(nil): zpian(@)intranet.gr ((zpian(@)intranet.gr))
Ημερομηνία: Παρ 02 Φεβ 1996 - 03:15:48 EET
> Do you know how to reuse a condom?
> Turn it inside out and wash the fuck out of it.
> What do you call 5 condoms playing metal?
> A rubber band.................
> [ Editor's note: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! ]
> Why did the condom cross the road?
> Because it was pissed off.
> What do a gay and a bungee jumper have in common?
> If the rubber breaks they're both in the shit.
> This isn't a condom joke per se, but it's kinda funny anyway.
> TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY
> 6969 Slippery Root Drive
> Drop Trouser, Sydney 2120.
> Dear Mr. Shlypdych,
> We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and
> represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.
> Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our Board of
> Directors feel that your wearing of our product in advertisements does not
> portray a positive romantic image for our product. A loose, baggy and
> wrinkled condom is not considered romantic.
> We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using poly-grip, but even
> then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like
> to note however that yours is the first we have seen that looked like a
> bicycle grip.
> We appreciate your interest and would like to thank you for your time. We
> will retain your application for possible future consideration. If by
> chance we decide there is a market for mini-condoms we will call you.
> We send greetings and sympathy for your lady.
> Dick Burly, President
> TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.
> P.S. Remember our slogans:
> Cover your stump before you hump!
> Don't be silly, protect your willie!
> Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker!
> Before you attack her, wrap your whacker!
> If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!
> CONDOMS DEMYSTIFIED
> There are basically three kinds of condoms: unlubricated latex,
> lubricated latex, and lambskin. The lambskins are no good be-
> cause they haven't been proven to be a barrier to infection.
> Anyway, they're really made of lambies and that makes us sad,
> especially around Easter time. (The real reason we don't like
> them is that they actually smell like lamb. One is tempted to
> lubricate them with mint jelly.)
> There are variations on the basic latex condoms. Some condoms
> are prelubricated, with spermicidal jelly, even. Others are not.
> Strictly B.Y.O.K.Y.
> The strangest variation by far is the ribbed latex condom. Why
> are these condoms ribbed? This is supposed to be stimulating?
> Should one attempt to play washboard tunes on it? This is just
> part of a big problem with condoms. Condoms were, and are, de-
> signed by men.
> If Girls Designed Condoms ...
> What a wonderful world it would be. Skip the ribbing, skip the
> lube. If women designed condoms there is no question that they
> would be padded.
> "But size doesn't matter!" comes a chorus of voices. (The loud-
> est voices come from boys who are peeking. Stop that right now.
> Turn to the sports page immediately.) Sure *length* doesn't
> matter. But give any girl a small dose of truth serum and ask
> her about width.
> Admit it. If padded condoms were placed on the market, hordes of
> screaming women would storm their local druggists and dash out
> with tote bags full. Unfortunately, it wouldn't work. After
> all, there is that ticklish issue of boy sensitivity, which we
> can't overlook, even if we occasionally want to. Padded condoms
> would rob boys of the skin-to-skin sensation they already claim
> condoms rob them of, and we can't have that.
> No, modern women, being kind and sensitive lovers, would
> design whisper-soft condoms, completely transparent and micro-
> scopically thin. The paisley, rainbow, and floral-print condoms
> we designed would be strictly novelty items, kept for special
> occasions only. Ditto the condoms with cute sayings: "Hang in
> there, baby, Friday's coming"; "My girlfriend went to Florida and
> all I got was this lousy condom"; and the classic "I'm with
> stupid" (arrow pointing back toward the boy). Other specialty
> items would include the male-ego condom, which, like black
> olives, come in three sizes: jumbo, colossal, and humongous.
> Naughty subversives would enjoy the Karen Finley assortment,
> colorful, decorative condoms that turn ordinary penises into
> bananas, hotdogs, yams, and more.