JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)


Θέμα: The best "disclaimer" ever



(nil): Alex Baxevanis (baxev(@)netor.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Τρι 01 Απρ 1997 - 21:03:40 EEST

Enjoy it !!! :
DISCLAIMER (I MEAN IT): This program and documentation reflects the
thoughts, opinions, ideas, and body odor of myself; it does not reflect the
thoughts, opinions, ideas, and/or body odor of my company, my friends, my
wife, my daughter, my fish, my roses, my dog, or my trash. All rights
reserved, all lefts reserved. This software is subject to change without
notice. Bits are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to
actual software, running or hung, is unintentional and purely coincidental.
Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Forget the
dog, beware of owner. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Hand wash only,
tumble dry on low heat. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. No substitutions
allowed. For a limited time only. Type hard, you are making five copies.
This software is a void pointer to null where prohibited, protected,
declared private, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Software is provided "as
is" without any warranties expressed or implied. User assumes all
liabilities. Not liable for damages due to use or misuse or inability to
understand. An equal opportunity electron employer. No shirt, no shoes, no
software. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Do not write below
this line. Falling rock. Falling bridge. London bridge is falling down,
falling down, help, I've fallen and I can't get up. Quality may vary. Since
software is hand-crafted, there will be slight differences in each object.
If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return
to an authorized service center. No Parking. No Standing. No Solicitors. No
Spitting. No Kidding. Posted no Bills. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No
anchovies please. Parental Advisory - explicit source code. No one under 17
admitted. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children. Limit one per
family. No money down. No purchase necessary. Cache and carry. You do not
need to be present to win. Some assembly and C++ required. Batteries not
included. Action figures sold separately. Apply only to affected area. May
be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for
additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models
are over 18 years of age. Available in fine shoe stores everywhere. Take a
number please. Preservatives added to improve freshness. Safety goggles
must be worn at all times. Hard hat area. Sealed for your protection. The
buss stops here. Call before you dig. Add toner. Sanitized for your
protection. Place stamp here. How about a nice game of chess? EXTERN use
only. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use
and consult your magic eight ball. Use only with proper ventilation. Avoid
extreme temperatures. Store in a cool dry place. Refrigerate after opening.
Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes. Avoid contact with
eyes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
If this software begins to smoke, run, do not walk, towards the nearest
exit. Do not place near any magnetic source. Smoking this software may be
hazardous to your health. Stop playing with that atomic pile. You are not
in Kansas any more. I/O, I/O, its off to work I go. Slippery when wet. For
office use only. Not affiliated with the CIA. Drop in any mailbox. Edited
for television. A proud sponsor of the local chapter of the old hackers
home. Code used in this software was made from 100% recycled electrons.
Prosecutors will be violated. No animals were used to test the runtime
performance of this software. No extra salt, MSG, artificial color or
flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If symptoms persist,
delete yourself immediately. If you suspect an overloaded operator, destroy
immediately. Constantly volatile when exposed to static pointers. The white
zone is for passenger loading and unloading only. Do you like gladiator
movies? Content's under pressure. Restaurant package, not for resale. First
pull up, then pull down. Call before digging. Driver does not carry cash.
Auto pilot is engaged during flight. Possible penalties for early
withdrawal. Free software offer valid only at participating FTP sites.
Slightly higher outside of the continental US. Allow four to six seconds
for delivery. What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven
before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women. Motor vehicles
only. Actually, I am a mouse in the middle of an incredibly complicated
plot to take over the world. This disclaimer does not cover hurricane,
lightning, tornado, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of
Bob, misuse, neglect, repair, attempted modification, bugs in the code,
damage from improper installation, incorrect line voltage, cosmic rays,
missing or altered serial numbers, attempting to actually run the software,
sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, and
incidents related to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents,
leaky roof, alien attack, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest
fire, flying squirrels, verbal assaults, or house arrest. Other
restrictions may apply. Your mileage may vary. This software is copynighted
by Todd C++ Wilson.

Help file Copyright © 1995-1996 Todd C. Wilson/Fresh Ground Software

(extracted from Map This! image maps utility)

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
###########################################################//
# {~~~~~~} {} { } * #//
# { } { } { } * Alexander Baxevanis #//
# {~~~~~~} { } { } * #//
# { } {~~~~~~} }{ * baxev(@)netor.gr #//
# { } } { } * baxev(@)geocities.com #//
# { } } { } * #//
# {~~~~~~} }{ } * #//
#*********************************************************#//
# http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Lakes/4914 #//
#*********************************************************#//
# IRC nick : Bax (usually at chat.groovy.gr) #//
###########################################################/
----- We must learn to LIVE, not just to survive ... ------


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