JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)


Θέμα: Murphy's Laws And Other Observations



(nil): Akis Karnouskos (akis(@)ceid.upatras.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Τρι 10 Ιούν 1997 - 09:43:31 EEST

Murphy's Laws And Other Observations

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Murphy's Laws

  1. If Anything Can Go Wrong, It Will.
  2. If There Is A Possibility Of Several Things Going Wrong, The One That
     Will Cause The Most Damage Will Be The First One To Go Wrong.
  3. If Anything Just Cannot Go Wrong, It Will Anyway.
  4. If You Perceive That There Are Four Possible Ways In Which Something
     Can Go Wrong, And Circumvent These, Then A Fifth Way, Unprepared For,
     Will Promptly Develop.
  5. Left To Themselves, Things Tend To Go From Bad To Worse.
  6. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked
     Something.
  7. Nature Always Sides With The Hidden Flaw.
  8. Mother Nature Is A Bitch.

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O'toole's Commentary On Murphy's Laws

     Murphy Was An Optimist.

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Ginsberg's Theorems

  1. You Can't Win.
  2. You Can't Break Even.
  3. You Can't Even Quit The Game.

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Forsyth's Second Corollary To Murphy's Laws

     Just When You See The Light At The End Of The Tunnel, The Roof Caves
     In.

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Weiler's Law

     Nothing Is Impossible For The Man Who Doesn't Have To Do It Himself.

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The Laws Of Computer Programming

  1. Any Given Program, When Running, Is Obsolete.
  2. Any Given Program Costs More And Takes Longer Each Time It Is Run.
  3. If A Program Is Useful, It Will Have To Be Changed.
  4. If A Program Is Useless, It Will Have To Be Documented.
  5. Any Given Program Will Expand To Fill All The Available Memory.
  6. The Value Of A Program Is Inversely Proportional To The Weight Of Its
     Output.
  7. Program Complexity Grows Until It Exceeds The Capability Of The
     Programmer Who Must Maintain It.

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Pierce's Law

     In Any Computer System, The Machine Will Always Misinterpret, Mi-
     Construe, Misprint, Or Not Evaluate Any Math Or Subroutines Or Fail To
     Print Any Output On At Least The First Run Through.

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Corollary To Pierce's Law

     When A Compiler Accepts A Program Without Error On The First Run, The
     Program Will Not Yield The Desired Output.

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Addition To Murphy's Laws

     In Nature, Nothing Is Ever Right. Therefore, If Everything Is Going
     Right... Something Is Wrong.

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Brook's Law

     If At First You Don't Succeed, Transform Your Data Set!

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Grosch's Law

     Computing Power Increases As The Square Of The Cost.

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Golub's Laws Of Computerdom

  1. Fuzzy Project Objectives Are Used To Avoid Embarrassment Of Estimating
     The Corresponding Costs.
  2. A Carelessly Planned Project Takes Three Longer To Complete Than
     Expected; A Carefully Planned Project Takes Only Twice As Long.
  3. The Effort Required To Correct Course Increases Geometrically With
     Time.
  4. Project Teams Detest Weekly Progress Reporting Because It So Vividly
     Manifests Their Lack Of Progress.

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Osborn's Law

     Variables Won't; Constants Aren't.

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Gilb's Laws Of Unreliability

  1. Computers Are Unreliable, But Humans Are Even More Unreliable.
  2. Any System That Depends Upon Human Reliability Is Unreliable.
  3. Undetectable Errors Are Infinite In Variety, In Contrast To Detect-
     Able Errors, Which By Definition Are Limited.
  4. Investment In Reliability Will Increase Until It Exceeds The Prob-
     Able Cost Of Errors, Or Until Someone Insists On Getting Some Useful
     Work Done.

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Lubarsky's Law Of Cybernetic Entomology

     There's Always One More Bug.

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Troutman's Postulates

  1. Profanity Is The One Language Understood By All Programmers.
  2. Not Until A Program Has Been In Production For Six Months Will Will
     The Most Harmful Error Be Discovered.
  3. Job Control Cards That Positively Cannot Be Arranged In Improper Order
     Will Be.
  4. Interchangeable Tapes Won't.
  5. If The Input Editor Has Been Designed To Reject All Bad Input, An
     Ingenious Idiot Will Discover A Method To Get Bad Data Past It.
  6. If A Test Installation Functions Perfectly, All Subsequent Systems
     Will Malfunction.

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Weinberg's Second Law

     If Builders Built Buildings The Way Programmers Wrote Programs, Then
     The First Woodpecker That Came Along Would Destroy Civilization.

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Gumperson's Law

     The Probability Of Anything Happening Is In Inverse Ratio To Its
     Desirability.

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Gummidge's Law

     The Amount Of Expertise Varies In Inverse Ratio To The Number Of
     Statements Understood By The General Public.

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Zymurgy's First Law Of Evolving System Dynamics

     Once You Open A Can Of Worms, The Only Way To Recan Them Is To Use A
     Larger Can (old Worms Never Die, They Just Worm Their Way Into Larger
     Cans).

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Harvard's Law, As Applied To Computers

     Under The Most Rigorously Controlled Conditions Of Pressure,
     Temperature, Volume, Humidity And Other Variables, The Computer Will
     Do As It Damn Well Pleases.

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Sattinger's Law

     It Works Better If You Plug It In.

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Jenkinson's Law

     It Won't Work.

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Horner's Five Thumb Postulate

     Experience Varies Directly With Equipment Ruined.

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Cheop's Law

     Nothing Ever Gets Build On Schedule Or Within Budget.

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Rule Of Accuracy

     When Working Toward The Solution Of A Problem, It Always Helps If You
     Know The Answer.

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Zymurg's Seventh Exception To Murphy's Law

     When It Rains, It Pours

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Pudder's Laws

  1. Anything That Begins Well Ends Badly
  2. Anything That Begins Badly Ends Worse.

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Westheimer's Rule

     To Estimate The Time It Takes To Do A Task: Estimate The Time You
     Think It Should Take, Multiply By Two And Change The Unit Of Measure
     To The Next Highest Unit. Thus, We Allocate Two Days For A One Hour
     Task.

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Stockmayer's Theorem

     If It Looks Easy, It's Tough. If It Looks Tough, It's Damn Near Impos-
     Sible.

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Atwoods Corollary

     No Books Are Lost By Lending Except Those You Particularly Wanted To
     Keep.

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Johhnson's Third Law

     If You Miss One Issue Of Any Magazine, It Will Be The Issue That Con-
     Tains The Article, Story Or Installment You Were Most Anxious To Read.

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Corollary To Johnson's Third Law

     All Of Your Friends Either Missed It, Lost It Or Threw It Out.

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Harper's Magazine Law

     You Never Find The Article Until You Replace It.

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Brooke's Law

     Adding Manpower To A Late Software Makes It Later.

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Finagle's Fourth Law

     Once A Job Is Fouled Up, Anything Done To Improve It Will Only Make It
     Worse.

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Featherkile's Rule

     Whatever You Did, That's What You Planned.

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Flap's Law

     Any Inanimate Object, Regardless Of Its Position, Configuration Or
     Purpose, May Be Expected To Perform At Any Time In A Totally Un-
     Expected Manner For Reasons That Are Either Entirely Obscure Or Else
     Completely Mysterious.

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