JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)


Θέμα: (no subject)



(nil): Akis Karnouskos (akis(@)ceid.upatras.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Παρ 17 Οκτ 1997 - 16:21:59 EEST

Kuntucky Fried

 "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
   -----------------------------------------------------

  Plato:
       For the greater good.

  Karl Marx:
       It was a historical inevitability.

  Thomas de Torquemada:
       Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

  Timothy Leary:
       Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
       let it take.

  Douglas Adams:
       Forty-two.

  Nietzsche:
       Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
       also across you.

 Oliver North:
       National Security was at stake.

 Carl Jung:
       The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
       that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
       juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such
      occurrences into being.

 Jean-Paul Sartre:
       In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
       chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

  Ludwig Wittgenstein:
       The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects
       "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which
       caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

  Albert Einstein:
       Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
       chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

  Aristotle:
       To actualize its potential.

  Buddha:
       If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

  Salvador Dali:
       The Fish.

   Darwin:
       It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

  Emily Dickinson:
       Because it could not stop for death.

  Epicurus:
      For fun.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson:
      It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

  Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
      The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

  Ernest Hemingway:
       To die. In the rain.

  Werner Heisenberg:
       We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but
       it was moving very fast.

 David Hume:
       Out of custom and habit.

 Saddam Hussein:
       This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
       justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

 Jack Nicholson:
       'cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

 Pyrrho the Skeptic:
       What road?

  Ronald Reagan:
       I forget.

  John Sununu:
      The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
       so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the
       opportunity.

 The Sphinx:
       You tell me.

  Sappho:
      Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair
      than all of Hellas' fine armies.

  Henry David Thoreau:
       To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

  Mark Twain:
       The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

  Stephen Jay Gould:
       It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for
       it, but we have been deluged in recent years with
       sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little
      direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not
       know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure
       most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

  Joseph Stalin:
       I don't care. Catch it. Crack its eggs to make my omlette.

  Captain James T. Kirk:
       To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

  Machiavelli:
       So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken
       which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but
       also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
       with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the
       princely chicken's dominion maintained.

  Hippocrates:
       Because of an excess of pleghm in its pancreas.

  Andersen Consultant:
     Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening
     its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with
     significant challenges to create and develop the competencies
     required for the newly competitive market. Andersen
     Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client,
     helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution
     strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry
     Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its
     skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to
     align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support
     of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
     Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
     analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with
     deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a
     two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their
     personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to
     enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve
     the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting
     and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
     continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was
     held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful
     environment which was strategically based, industry-focused,
     and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message
     and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core
     values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total
     business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the
     chicken change to become more successful.

    Johnny Cochran:
        The chicken didn't cross the road. It was planted there by the
        police!

    Rodney King:
        Why can't the chicken just cross the road?

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