JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)


Θέμα: NLA (Nice, Long & American) x 2



(nil): George Anagnostopoulos (firefly(@)hol.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Τετ 10 Ιούν 1998 - 22:23:22 EEST

A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams
across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he plucks up the
courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees
to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.

Saturday night arrives and the man arrives at her house laden with flowers
and chocolates. To his amazement she answers the door in nothing but a
towel. "I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in
and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish
getting dressed. I should warn you however, that they are both deaf mutes."
With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her
parents and promptly disappears.

As you can imagine this is a little uncomfortable as both parents are
completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching the soccer
game, and Mom is busy knitting. After about ten minutes of complete
silence, Mom suddenly jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt pulls down
her knickers and pours a glass of water over her fanny. Just as suddenly
Dad launches himself across the room bends her over the couch and takes her
from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and places a match stick
under each eye lid.

The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked
into disbelief. After a further ten minutes the mother again rises from her
chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her pants and throws another glass of
water over her nether regions. Dad leaps up gives her one from behind and
places two more match sticks under his eyelids.

No sooner have they concluded this strange behavior and the daughter
returns fully dressed ready for their date. The evening is a complete
disaster with the young man completely distracted by the goings on in the
living room.

At the end of the evening the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done
something wrong?" "It's not you," replied her date, "It's just that the
strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit
shocked."

After pleading with him to explain in more detail the young man reluctantly
recounts the story. 'Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair and lifts
up her skirt. She then pulls down her pants and throws a glass of water
over her behind."

"I see," says the girl, "What happened then?" "Well, if that isn't enough
your Father races from his chair leans Mom over the couch and does her from
behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick under each eye
lid.' "Oh, is that all?" replies the girl. The young man can't believe the
casual response to this weird practice.

"It's easily explained. Mom was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this
asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, fuck him. I'm watching the
match.'"

--
A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they 
came upon a cave.  Written on the wall of the cave were the 
following symbols in order of appearance.
1.  A dog
2.  A donkey
3.  A shovel
4.  A fish
5.  A Star of David
They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were 
at least more than three thousand years old.  They chopped out 
the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where 
archaeologists from all  over the world came to study the 
ancient symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to 
discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the 
markings.  The President of their Society stood up, pointed at 
the first drawing and said,  "This looks like a dog.  We can 
judge that this was a highly intelligent race as they knew how 
to have animals for companionship. To prove this statement 
you, can see that the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, 
they were even smart enough to have animals help them till the 
soil.  The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which 
means they even had tools to help them.  Even further proof of 
their high intelligence is the fish, which means that they had a
famine that hit the earth whereby the food didn't grow, they
would take to the sea for food.  The last symbol appears to be
the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."
The audience applauded enthusiastically, the President smiled
and said, "I'm glad to see that you are all in full agreement with
our interpretations."
Suddenly a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the
room and said, "I object to every word. The explanation of what 
the writings say is quite simple. First of all, everyone knows 
that Hebrews don't read from  left to  right, but from right to
left... Now, look again..... It  now says:
"HOLY MACKEREL, DIG THE ASS ON THAT BITCH!"
-- 
G. Anagnostopoulos
    My life is a cartoon! * BA Business Studies, Uni of Glamorgan
    Old age is when a broad mind and a narrow waist trade places.
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