JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)


Θέμα: Διάφορα αλλά όχι αδιά φορα



(nil): leda Sfirikidou (ledas(@)ac.anatolia.edu.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Τετ 17 Ιούν 1998 - 10:07:28 EEST

Καλημέρα σε όλους.
Εκανα μια προσπάθεια να τα μαζέψω και να τα συμμαζέψω.
Μην τολμήσει κανείς και ζητήσει και μετάφραση μ' αυτή τη ζέστη διότι . . .

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door
open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a
moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up!
It's starting to rain and the top is down."
 
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned in Spring training.
 
Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

 A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman
in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman
finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with
blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I
think those other two girls used their arms.

God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement
park.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like
that.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

*********
A man frantically calls 911 and says, "help...my wife has gone into
labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart".
 
911: "is this her first child?".
 
Man: "Of course not, you idiot...this is her husband".
*********

Mother to Daughter: What kind of person is your
new boyfriend? Is he respectable?
"Of couse he is, Mom. He's thrifty, doesn't drink
or smoke, has a very nice wife and three well-
behaved children."
***********
It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked
up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but that
he was an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win
lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The
teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the father that she had handled
many such problems and was very capable of taking care of little Johnny's
urge to gamble.

Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how
things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well." She said.
"I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit."
 
The father asked her what had happened.

"The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars
that I had a mole on my rear." She said. "I finally agreed to the bet
and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole."

"Damn!" The father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he
would see the teacher's bare butt before the day was over."
*************

A bank robber was arrested the day after the robbery at a motel near
 the state line only twenty or thirty miles away. Why did he stop so
close to the scene of the crime? He explained he was on parole and
couldn't cross the state line without permission from his parole
officer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small
town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a
cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke
rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry
American Indian approached him and said,

"Now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that I'll smash your
face in!"

λήδα
CARPE DIEM

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