JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)


Θέμα: America



(nil): Akis Karnouskos (akis(@)ceid.upatras.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Τρι 03 Αύγ 1999 - 11:54:40 EEST

To Klik kai o Kwstopoulos proswpika den mou aresoun. Wstoso to parakatw
arthraki pou dimosieutike to 1993 epesimane merikes alitheies ...
Akolouthei meta tin protropi arketwn melwn tis listas ... touched apo ta
dio xtesina keimena ...

ciao,
akis

"KLIK" - Ioulios '93
-------------------
Apavw pou ebgaive to teuxos pou kratate sta xeria sas, mou 'tyxe eva tajidi
sthv deep gia vtip Amerikh. Eixa sto kefali mou eva afierwma sthv Ellada va
me kyvhgaei sav favtasma se yperatlavtikh pthsh. O adamastos Ellhvismos ths
Astoria, pou me syvodeue sto aeroplavo ths Olympiakhs, m' ekave va skeftomai
thv trith diastash tou Ellhvismou. Oi av9rwpoi dev katalabaivouv tipota,
triavta xrovia sto Niou Giork kai kelahdave akoma sav va 'vai sta xwria tous.
Foberes giagiades me tsemperia va katsadiazouv eggovous perimevovtas tis
balitses sto JFK, kai va ais9avesai sigouros oti osa xrovia ki av perasouv,
autoi dev prokeitai pote va givouv Amerikavoi n va ekliparouv sav tous maurous
kai tous Portorikavous va eivai kai autoi Amerikh.

Metavastes apo to 1920 kai akoma dhlwvouv perhfava stous Amerikavous "Dev 9a
jexasoume pote oti auth edw h xwra pou patoume eivai h ...deuterh patrida mas".
To 'legav oi megaloi daskaloi sto Parisi sth dekaetia tou '70 - "oi laoi pou
koubalave politismo dev afomoiwvovtai pote". Kai o politismos, ws gvwstov, dev
eivai 9ema episthmhs kai arxitektovikhs ouravojystwv, eivai 9ema kyttariko.
H gvwsh ths zwhs koubalietai sta moria kai sto aima. Alla epeidh pali
jefygame, back to Texas. Ftasame loipov sto Sav Avtovio kai arxisame va trwme
th xlapatsa sth mourh. Kolash. Milave kapoia flokia sthv Ellada gia blaxous,
gia xwrikous, gia eparxiwtes, tous peirazouv leei autoi pou eivai akoma apo
Bolo n Patra. Exouve leei sto ajav tous eva ojy "li" kai "vi", ase pou
kobouve kai tis katalhjeis. Milame twra gia gvhsious apogovous twv boreiwv
proasteiwv - apogovoi mallov gidoboskwv, mias kai h Khfisia, edw kai eikosi
xrovia, htav mia ateleiwth stavh. Sav Avtovio Texas, loipov, ligo parapavw
Ntalas kai Talsa, edw grafetai epi diakosia xrovia h istoria tou pagkosmiou
blaxou. To blepeis, skeftesai oti autoi eivai oi plavhtarxes kai dev to
pisteueis, tsimpiesai. Re sy, oi av9rwpoi dev exouv oute diskotek, dev exouve
idea apo auta pou symbaivouv stov plavhth. Kaou-mpoi mpars pou xoreuouv oloi
gyrw-gyrw oloi, sav ta koumpoika erga me ta karabavia kai thv Ntoris Nteh me
mpavtzo, pou blepame pitsirikades kai gelagamne. Mpili Reh Sairous kai Ntouait
Giokam, o,ti pio movtervo mporeis va petyxeis priv autoktovhseis me tzak
Ntaviels. Asxeto, alla to Tzak Ntaviels oi av9rwpoi to serbirouv se kolovato
pothri, me 9rymmatismevo pago kai avakateuthra kalamaki! Pali kala pou de
rixvouv kai kamia shmaioula, kamia omprelitsa kai kamia elia 9roumpa.

Twra, omws, milave kai mia mysthria glwssa. Kavei ligo pros agglika, ligo
kati allo, ama sthseis auti poly prosektika kai sou epavalabei o tajitzhs
th frash tris, tote mporei kai va katalabeis oti to jevodoxeio eivai sta deka
(;) milia. Axrhsta tosa xrovia Strathgakh, kai tsampa ta "loouer". Ase de pou
dev prepei va kaveis kamia malakia sto mpar pou proavaferame kai sou jefygei
kamia koubevta tou typou "dev eivai krya h mpyra n dev exei kamia karekla va
ka9hsoume n polla pagakia exei to ouiski", thv ebapses. Me kareklato 9a fyseis
apo kei mesa. Kalokaga9oi av9rwpoi. Av akoumphseis th motosikleta kovta se
forthgo 9a th breis xalkomavia, to pio wraio de asteiaki pou mporeis va kaveis
se filo, eivai va eisai se bevzivadiko va baleis stis mhxaves bevzivh, va pas
va plhrwseis esy kai gia tous dyo, va mhv plhrwseis gi' autov kai va pas va
fygeis. Gia pevte dolaria, to palikari 9a givei diafavo sto sth9os apo thv
karampiva. Ka9e blaxos mesa sto agrotiko tou koubalaei kai mia toulaxistov
karampiva. Ola omws sygxwrouvtai mprosta sto louk kai sto styl tous, dioti
tous blepeis kai xairesai, estw kia av eisai evas Ellhvas kouasimodos. Eivai
oloi asxhmoi, to 80% xovtroi kai to 30% ap' autous eivai paxysarkoi, mpouxeses.
Nomizeis oti briskesai se festibal teratwv, ap' autous empveusthke o Spilmperg
kai gyrise to Tzourasik Park. Na mhv proxwrhsw kai sto stailivg giati mporw kai
va jerasw twra pou to 9ymamai. Apo pavw Ti-sertaki tou bevzivadikou n tou
polykatasthmatos ths geitovias, se xrwma mpez kalvi, me kokkives pietes. Apo
katw sortsaki kovtokabalo n pshlokabalo n katw apo thv koilia, stevo stous
mhrous. Kaltsaki polyxrwmo, syvh9ws skouro kai kovto, kai papoutsaki eviote
a9lhtiko alla mokasivi. Ma thv Pavagia! Auta foragave oi veolaioi sta "modata"
mpar kai klamp. Twra, to modato se Oklaxoma, Misouri kai Ilivois eivai mia
para poly sxetikh evvoia, eivai sav va les oti o Pavtazhs vtyvetai kyrile,
foraei Bersatse. Dev exete dei pio asxhmes gkomeves, glarwvei to mati sou epi
bradia, pmas kai breis kamia va psiloxazepseis, ka9e brady katebazeis ligo
parakatw tis poiotikes prodiagrafes, alla kai pali toso xamhla dev prokeitai
va ftaseis. Oses kales yphraxav tis mazepsav sto Los Avtzeles kai Nea Yorkh, oi
ypoloipes ypofertes briskovtai stov pro9alamo tou KLIK kai tou DIVA, mpas kai
brouve kamia doulitsa se reportaz modas. Ti va mas pouv, re, oi av9rwpoi pou
pas sto "Mersevtes" kai dev jereis apo pou sou 'rxovtai ta gkomouvakia me ta
etsi tous, ta alliws tous, me trifasiko reuma douleuouve ola, ama ta baleis
sthv priza dev stamatave me tipota.

Blaxoi sou leei o allos, yparxouv sthv Ellada. Auta les ama eisai apolitistos,
komplejikos n av exeis dei to ejwteriko apo prospektous tou Trabel Plav. Blaxos
eivai autos pou zei se megalh kai plousia xwra, alla dev katalabaivei apo pou
erxetai kai pou paei o politismos, pou mevei se h9h kai e9ima apolitistwv
epoxwv kai parakolou9ei tov kosmo apo topiko thleoptiko kavali. Apomovwmevos
sav va eivai Robivswv Krousos se vhsaki tou Eirhvikou. Autos pou vomizei oti
to Gkrav Kavyov, oi katarraktes tou Niagara, o Par9evwvas kai oi Pyramides ths
Aigyptou eivai ths idias poiothtas touristikh Atrajiov, pou sth zwh tou trwei
movo mprizoles kai xovtrokommeves patates kai gia evallagh rixvei kai kaveva
Makvtovalvts (pou by the way sthv Amerikh dev trwgovtai apo vormal av9rwpo
megalytero apo 18 xrovwv). Blaxos eivai autos pou dev koubalaei istoria sto
aima tou, pou gia va apoxthsei ligo istoriko glamour kollaei marmarives
epigrafes sto oxyro Alamo (jerete twra, Nteibivt Kroket kai Nteibivt Mpaoi
evavtiov Mejikavwv) pou avaferouv: "stis Qermopyles emeive evas aggelioforos
va metaferei to mhvyma ths httas, sto Alamo kaveis". Tsou re Lakh, pou oi
movoi hrwes pou exeis eivai o Mpili de Kivt, o Gouait Erp, o xesths strathgos
Kaster, o kleistofobikos Mpil Xikok, h Kalamiti Tzehv, h oikogeveia tou Tzese
Tzehms, opws epishs kai o Tzeri Liouis. Ase pou eivai paramy9i o my9os tou
Gouest, dhmiourghma twv skhvo9etwv ths derkaetias tou '50. Evas axavhs agros
xwris xarh, eva agelodostasio, evas aperavtos boskotopos. Tejas, Arkavsas,
Misouri, Oklaxoma, Ilivois, mia aperavth xlapatsa. Oso gia tis poleis, ekei va
deis. Gouelkam, leei, sto Sav Avtovio, psaxveis apo dw, pas 10 milia Hst, 10
milia Gouest, Nor9h, Sau9, po9eva Sav Avtovio. Xaigoueis, gefyres, spitakia
apo dw ki apo kei kai pavtou jevodoxeia. Eva aperavto e9vos plasiedwv pou
periferetai apo polh se polh kai apo xwrio se xwri, mpas kai poulhsei taper,
pivela kai krikous gia kourtives toualetas. Trwgame, kai tesseris xovtroi
koustoumatoi dipla mas arxisav va avtallassouv pivela kai rola bapsimatos
- gkavtemia, mas efyge o tsampoukas, shkw9hkame kai fygame arov arov. Av
ejaireseis th Nea Yorkh, th Nea Orleavh kai to Sav Fravtzisko, oles oi poleis
eivai axrwmes kai aosmes. Dev yparxouv. Pevte ouravojystes mazemevoi kai meta
to xaos. Av9rwpoi dev perpatouv, movo autokivhta, logw apostasewv. Kai s' auto
to kevtro blepeis av9rwpous apo 8:15 ews 8:27 to prwi, pou pave stis douleies
tous, kai 5:15 ews 5:30 pou feugouv. Dead, vekres poleis kai to brady evas
avtrikos plh9ysmos va metaferetai apo kwlompar se striptizadika. Edw to kalo
va legetai. Oi gkomeves sta amerikavika strip-sou eivai oi kalyters stov
plavhth, o,ti exei oveireutei evas avtras kai to blepei mprosta tou. Skitsa
tou Milo Mavara eivai oles. Auta loipov gia to A9hva-Tejas, movo pou dev epesa
sta govata va filhsw thv asfalto sthv pista tou Ellhvikou, sto gyrismo. To 'xw
skeftei polles fores otav milaw me diafora typakia, pou brizouv gia ola ta
straba s' auth th xwra kai ek9eiazouv ta kala tou eurwpaikou kai tou
amerikavikou politismou, alla dev to 'xw kavei pote. Na tous trabhjw kamia
roxala n, pros to pio eugeviko, va piesw egw kai diaforoi filoi mou gia eva
vomo tou kratous pou 9a tous ejorizei dia biou sthv Alampama kai thv Oklaxoma.
Edw, dev eivai topos gia blaxadera.

              Petros Kwstopoulos

Y.G. Egw pavtws perasa kala sthv Amerikh dioti, ws gvwstov, o Ellhvas exei
     thv trela tou kai blepei o,ti goustarei. Dev eimai ratsisths, aplws
     syxaivomai tous universal blaxous

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