JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)


Θέμα: FW: [Fwd: What Men Really Mean]



(nil): Diakoyanni Emmanuela (e.diacoyanni(@)bull.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Παρ 12 Μάι 2000 - 12:32:49 EEST

wHAT MEN REALLY MEAN - A CONTINUING SERIES
> > >> >
> > >> >"I'm going fishing."
> > >> > Really means...
> > >> >"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream
> > >>with
> > >>a
> > >> >stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Let's take your car."
> > >> >Really means....
> > >> >"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of
> >gas."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Woman driver."
> > >> >Really means....
> > >> >"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures
> and
> > >>has
> > >>a
> > >> >better driving record than me."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
> > >> >Really means....
> > >> >"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray,
> > >>mauve,
> > >> >black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
> > >> >
> > >> >"It's a guy thing."
> > >> >Really means....
> > >> >"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you
> > >> >have no chance at all of making it logical."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Can I help with dinner?"
> > >> >Really means....
> > >> >"Why isn't it already on the table?"
> > >> >
> > >> >"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
> > >> >Really mean....
> > >> >Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response
> > >> >like Pavlov's dog drooling.
> > >> >
> > >> >"Good idea."
> > >> >Really means....
> > >> >"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Have you lost weight?"
> > >> >Really means....
> > >> >"I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
> > >> >
> > >> >"My wife doesn't understand me."
> > >> >Really means....
> > >> >"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
> > >> >
> > >> >"It would take too long to explain."
> > >> >Really means....
> > >> >"I have no idea how it works."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I'm getting more exercise lately."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"The batteries in the remote are dead."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I got a lot done."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
> > >> >
> > >> >"We're going to be late."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Hey, I've read all the classics."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
> > >> >
> > >> >"You cook just like my mother used to."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
> > >> >
> > >> >"That's interesting, dear."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"Are you still talking?"
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I forgot our anniversary again."
> > >> >
> > >> >"You expect too much of me."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"You want me to stay awake."
> > >> >
> > >> >"It's a really good movie."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
> > >> >
> > >> >"That's women's work."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Will you marry me?"
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer,
> > >> > and there is no more peanut butter."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Go ask your mother."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I am incapable of making a decision."
> > >> >
> > >> >"You know how bad my memory is."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first
> girl
> >I
> > >> >ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've
> >ever
> > >> >owned, but I forgot your birthday."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Football is a man's game."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"Women are generally too smart to play it."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death
> > >> > before I admit I'm hurt."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I do help around the house."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I can't find it."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
> >clueless."
> > >> >
> > >> >"What did I do this time?"
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"What did you catch me at?"
> > >> >
> > >> >"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
> > >> >
> > >> >"She's one of those rabid feminists."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"She refused to make my coffee."
> > >> >
> > >> >"But I hate to go shopping."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your
> >purse."
> > >> >
> > >> >"No, I left plenty of gas in the car."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"You may actually get it to start."
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor
> > >> > with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary
> > >> > companions."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I heard you."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping
> > >> > desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't
> > >> > spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
> > >> >
> > >> >"You know I could never love anyone else."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be
> worse."
> > >> >
> > >> >"You look terrific."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I brought you a present."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I missed you."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and
> > >> > we are out of toilet paper."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"No one will ever see us alive again."
> > >> >
> > >> >"We share the housework."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I make the messes, she cleans them up."
> > >> >
> > >> >"This relationship is getting too serious."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I like you more than my truck."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I recycle."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
> > >> >
> > >> >"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >"It sure snowed last night."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
> > >> >
> > >> >"It's good beer."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"It was on sale."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I don't need to read the instructions."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I broke up with her."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"She dumped me."
> > >> >
> > >> >"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
> > >> > Really means....
> > >> >"Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."
>

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