JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)


Θέμα: 101 Things Not To Say During Sex



(nil): Haralampos Skoufis (harskouf(@)telecom.ntua.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Τετ 28 Φεβ 2001 - 12:32:33 EET

> 101 Things Not To Say During Sex
>
> 1. But everybody looks funny naked!
> 2. You woke me up for that?
> 3. Did I mention the video camera?
> 4. Do you smell something burning?
> 5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
> 6. Try breathing through your nose.
> 7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
> 8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
> 9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
> 10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
> 11. Person 1: This is your first time..right? Person 2: Yeah.. today
> 12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
> 13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
> 14. Do you accept Visa?
> 15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
> 16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
> 17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
> 18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
> 19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
> 20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
> 21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
> 22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
> 23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
> 24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned
> this
> couch!
> 25. Got any penicillin?
> 26. But I just brushed my teeth...
> 27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
> 28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
> 29. I want a baby!
> 30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
> 31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
> 32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
> 33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
> 34. I think you have it on backwards.
> 35. When is this supposed to feel good?
> 36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
> 37. You're good enough to do this for a living!
> 38. Is that blood on the headboard?
> 39. Did I remember to take my pill?
> 40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
> 41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...
> 42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
> 43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
> 44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
> 45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
> 46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance...
> 47. No, really... I do this part better myself!
> 48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
> 49. This would be more fun with a few more people...
> 50. You're almost as good as my ex!
> 51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
> 52. That you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
> 53. You look younger than you feel.
> 54. Perhaps you're just out of practice.
> 55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
> 56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
> 57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...
> 58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
> 59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
> 60. What tampon?
> 61. Have you ever considered liposuction?
> 62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
> 63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
> 64. I have a confession...
> 65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
> 66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?
> 67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
> 68. Is that a hanging sculpture?
> 69. You'll stil vote for me, won't you?
> 70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?
> 71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
> 72. Did you come yet, dear?
> 73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're
> fantasizing about...
> 74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
> 75. Does this count as a date?
> 76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
> 77. Hic! I need another beer for this please
> 78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?
> 79. Q: You can cook, too right? A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?)
> 80. When would you like to meet my parents?
> 81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...
> Woman: Yourself?
> 82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?
> 83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.
> 84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
> 85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
> 86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
> 87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
> 88. Sorry but I don't do toes!
> 89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
> 90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
> 91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
> 92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer".
> 93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash!
> 94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
> 95. Is this a sin too?
> 96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
> 97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
> 98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...
> 99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
> 100.How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
> 101.You mean you're NOT my blind date?
__________________
Haris

--
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