(nil): Deathstar (apapadak(@)csd.uoc.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Τετ 20 Νοέ 2002 - 00:41:59 EET
Diafora quotes pou exw mazepsei me ton kairo....
sorry gia to APEIRO megethos(elpizw na mhn
upostw spam treatment) alla .....exoune fash .
I am Homer of Borg, prepare to be ... Mmmmmm. Donuts.
I am Gilligan of Borg. Rescue is irrelevant. Escape from the island is
I'ze Popeye of Borg. Yuse kin prepare'z to be askimilgrated!
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and
it holds the Universe together.-Carl Zwanig
Space... it seems to go on and on forever. But then you reach the end and
a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.
Everything I needed to know in life I learned in Kindergarten. Like: Once
you pull the pin on Mr. Hand Grenade, he is no longer your friend.
Listening to you, I can't help but think that somewhere in the world a
village is missing its idiot.
Why am I in a handbasket, and where are you taking me?
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give
the wrong answers--.A Bit of Fry and Laurie
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I
hate plants.-- A. Whitney Brown
God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of
His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of
the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an
obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank
cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules,
and who smiles all the time. Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens
If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable. --
If we were in a room with two werewolves and I had a gun with two silver
bullets, I would shoot you, twice.
I bet a lot of mimes choke to death because nobody believes they are
really choking -- John Gephart
Given the right amount of surprise, a goldfish will beat the crap out of a
On the road of life there are people in cars and people getting hit by
cars.. buy a car... -- car dealership slogan
My mother used to tell me "When you point at someone there are three
fingers pointing back at yourself. But all your toes are also pointing at
the other guy, so you're still ahead 11 to 3"
My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know.
Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people
are awake and they live in a state of constant total
amazement. -- Patricia (Meg Ryan), "Joe Versus The Volcano" (John Patrick
We all have nightmares to remind ourselves who we really are. -- Leonard
Shelby, "Memento" (Christopher Nolan)
Timeline is irrelevant. Continuity is irrelevant. Sensibility is futile --
Bryan j Maloney
"We all have mental problems, it's just that some of us choose to show
them." -Nathanael Huddleson
"I am lost. I have gone to look for myself, if I get back, before I
return, please tell me to wait." -Unknown
"Never sharpen a boomerang." -Unknown
"The last thing a dog sees before it dies, is usually a license plate
number." -Nathanael Huddleson
It is my firm belief that absolutely anything can be explained with one
simple phrase: God has a sick sense of humor.
In the Begining
God made man
Man returned the favor
If God appeared before me and said "Use Microsoft Office for one year or
spend eternity in Hell", I'd reply, "There's a difference?".
God and I have a simple working relationship: I don't believe in Him, He
doesn't believe in me and we only talk when one of us needs a favor.
You know you've been using computers too long when you look for a trash
can icon when throwing out the garbage.
Stupidity was invincible, else why had it been the single most significant
characteristic of all man's recorded history?
Best electronic insult: "You're a blithering idiot who wouldn't know a
clue if it appeared on your screen in a GUI interface with a button
labeled `I'm a clue - click here to acquire me.'"
Mr. Gates, meet Mr. Orwell. Oh? You've already met?
People used to ask me why I chose Religious Studies as my undergraduate
degree. I had a lot of reasons, but I would often half jokingly reply "I'm
looking for God; I've got a bone to pick with
If you sit and listen to the mystics of all the religions of the world you
discover one simple truth: they are all saying the same thing.
There was a moment when I thought I might die, and I would need to make my
peace with God. Except that we had never really quarreled.
"dog" spelled backwards is "god". Coincidence?
It used to be that no matter where you went, there you were. Now, with
cyberspace, no matter where you go, you can still be some place else.
Hiroshima '45 - Tschernobyl '86 - Windows '95
I'm a little teapot short and stout;
here is my handle, here is my...other handle?
Shit, I'm a sugar bowl!!
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
WOW! I never had someone's head go up there before!!
I tried snorting coke the other day... But I got an ice cube stuck in my
You are acting like your head just fell out you ear!
Observe the stealthy hunter as he quietly approaches the helpless
cheeseburger...... ~ Talboo
The fiery blood of my ancestry burns pure in my veins.
So..... The Ebola virus...... That's gotta suck, huh?
What came first: The chicken or the egg?
The correct answer is that the egg came first.
The better answer is that the chicken came first.
Why? Well, because the chicken had to get laid before the egg could.
A chicken and an egg are laying down in bed.
The egg is angrily muttering to itself,
while the chicken is contentedly smoking a cigarette.
The chicken leans over and says to the egg,
"Well, I guess that answers THAT question..."
We come into this world defenseless.
That's why God gave us baseball bats.
Well, he gave us trees, but we knew what he meant. ~ Blank
Sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up!
I'm walking in the woods talking to my small scared little inner child..
Then I turn his attention towards a rock behind him.
AND SMACK THE LITTLE BITCH RIGHT DOWN!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices
and just laugh at people.
"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds;
our planet is the mental institution of the universe."
Strike While The... Bug Is Close.
"`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL
men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri
were REAL small furry creatures from Aplha Centauri.'"
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the
police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started
wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not
putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."
Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
"Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an
astronaut on the moon and you fear your partner has been turned into
Star Trek Virus .
Freudian Virus motherboad .
My newest trick! A friend told me this! All of you peeps w/Microsoft
word...open a new document and then type =rand (99,100) and press enter.
Enjoy the trick! =)
If you have sex with your clone, is it incest or masturbation?
Death will kill you once, but fear will kill you over and over again.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
A seventh of your life is wasted on Mondays.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.
Ten were men and one woman. They all decided that one person should get
off because if they didn't the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a real
touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others,
because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and
children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she
finished speaking, all the men clapped.
Never underestimate the power of a woman.
Jesus and Satan are sitting around in the world between, having an
argument over who is the better programmer. They discuss this for several
hours until they agree to hold a contest, with God as the judge. Sitting
at their computers, they begin typing furiously, lines of code filling up
the screens, for almost three hours. Seconds before the contest is to end,
a bolt of lightning takes out the electricity. A few moments later, power
is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to
show him his programming. Visibly upset, Satan says, "I have nothing! I
lost it all when the power went out."
"Let's see if Jesus has fared any better," God says. Jesus pulls up his
screen and shows God a vivid display as the voices of an angelic choir
resound from the speakers.
Satan is shocked. "But how?" he cries. "I lost everything, but Jesus'
program is intact?"
"How did he do it?" God laughed. "Everyone knows...Jesus saves."
"Be bold, be mighty, just be. CK-B, a fragrance for everyone."
"Don't just bet, gamble."
"You are what I say you are."
"Man's mind was once small, but now it is retarded."
"To make the world a better place, get the entire population to hold hands
and sing a song of peace, but make them do it at gun-point so nobody gets
'Out of line'.
""Oh? Little sissy boy want his purse?"
#1 on the BORG Hit Parade: We all sleep in a single subroutine.
Assimilate me tender - Elvis of Borg.
Borg saying: We came. We absorbed. We left.
Borg, James Borg. Vodka martini, gin is irrelevant.
BorgDOS: Irrelevant command or filename.
Borgasm: The ecstacy of being assimilated.
I am Al of Borg. Aww, Peg, I assimilated you last year. <- theiko e?
I am Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up, Collective?
I am Descartes of Borg: I assimilate therefore I am.
I am Tweety of Borg. I _tawt_ I attimiwated a puddy tat!
I am Yoda of Borg: Irrelevant the Force is.
The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt!
We are Borg. [ESC] is futile [CTRL] is inevitable.
Top 10 Best (Worst) Ways to Kill Wesley Crusher
2.Wesley gets gang-banged by a group of female Klingons.
4.Data catches him jacking off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed
explanation from Wesley, who dies of embarrassment.
6.Wes gets gang-banged by a group of male Klingons.
I am fox mulder of Borg, they want you to think you'r assimilated.
I am DeNiro of Borg. Are you assimilatin' me? Are you assimilatin' me?
I am JFK of Borg. Ask not who can assimilate you, ask who you can
"You've reached the Borg Help Line. Please choose from the following menu.
If your race has not yet been assimilated, press 1. To repeat this menu,
press the pound key."
I am Jesus of Borg: Resistance is the way, the truth and the life
I am Yoda of Borg: Prepare, assimilated, to be
I am 007 of Borg... licence to assimilate
Why do we need Borg when we have Microsoft Windows?
The Sonic God
I am Elmer Fudd of Borg. Be vewy, vewy quiet... I'm assimiwating wabbits.
Heh heh heh heh heh.
I am Mick Jagger of BORG -- I can't get no, (pause) assimilation
I am C-3PO of Borg. I am capable of over six million different forms of
We are Gollum of Borg, yes. We will assimilate it, precious. Its
resistance will be futile. Yesss, preciousss. Gollum. Gollum.
I am Quark of Borg. You will be assimilated. But with the right amount of
gold pressed latinum, I can overlook your resistance.
... I am Ren of Borg. You irrelevant bloated sack of protoplasm!
"We are ftpadm of FB13. Prepare to be mirrored. Resistance is futile."
(found in the loginmessage of ftp.cs.tu-berlin.de)
I am Emacs of Borg. You will be assimilated. :q is futile.
Borg: I am User of Borg. The Assimilation update you sent out has fucked
the hyperdrive, it won't get past warp 3!
Support: Have you rebooted your ship?
I am Yoda of Borg. Assimilated you will be, hmmm ?
we are the gpl of borg
you will be liberated
resistance is futile
Klingon function calls do not have "parameters" - they have "arguments" -
and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
I'm Einstein of Borg. Assimilation is relative.
I am Duncan Macborg of the clan Macborg. You will be assimilated.
In the end, we will be only one.
I'm your wife of Borg. Your money will be assimilated. Resistence is
We are Anna Nichole Smith of Borg. You will be implanted.
We are Julius Caesar of Borg : veni, vidi, assimiliti.
We are Darth Vader of Borg- You will be assimilated. It is your
We are Han Solo of Borg- I've got a bad feeling about this
I am Fox Mulder of Borg...the assimilation is out there.
I am Dana Scully of Borg...no it's not, Mulder.
I am Alzheimer of Borg. Resistance is... is... shit. Who are you ? Where
am I ? And why ?! ...
What is a BORG in winter? --- A SnowBORG!
Assimilation: The new industry standard. Borg Gates
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb
(Now that's more like it)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Not now, Honey, I've got a headache")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes...can you imagine??)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life ... quality over quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know)
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
"I believe Moses was eighty when God first commissioned him for
Lynn Lavner: "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase
sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday
"Ronald McDonald is a scary, scary clown" -PETA online
"Human beings, as a species, have no more value than slugs." - John Davis,
Editor of The Earth First! Journal
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
We are The Borg. We are Eternal. We will return. Resistance is
By the light of the Moon, Sailor Moon of Borg will assimilate you!!!
The Borg Queen: Brave words. I've heard them before, from thousands of
species across thousands of worlds, since long before you were created.
But, now they are all Borg.
[Before blasting some Borg.] Worf: Assimilate this!
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Let's make sure that history never forgets the
Commander Tomalak: So, Captain, how long shall we stare at each other
across the Neutral Zone?
Last line of the series.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Five card stud, nothing wild. And the sky's the
Her posthumous message to Data
Lt. Natasha 'Tasha' Yar: You see things with the eyes of a child, and that
makes you more human than any of us.
During a poker game with Data, Albert Einstein, and Isaac Newton.
Prof. Stephen Hawking: So then I said, "In that frame of reference the
perihelion of Mercury would have preceded in the opposite direction!"
Q: It's the truth! I'm as human as the rest of you! What must I do to
Lieutenant Worf: Die.
Q: Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Lieutenant Worf, dispatch a subspace message to
Admiral Hansen - We have engaged the Borg.
Q: For that one fraction of a second, you were open to options you had
never considered. That is the exploration that awaits you . . . not
mapping stars and studying nebula . . . but charting the unknown
possibilities of existence.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: But . . . who knows--our reality may be very much
like theirs. And all this . . . might just be an elaborate simulation
running inside a little device . . . sitting on someone's table.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Someone once told me that time was a predator
that stalked us. I rather think that it is a friend that accompanies us on
the journey to remind us to treasure every moment because it will never
come again. After all Number One, we're only mortal.
Commander William T. Riker: Speak for yourself, sir. I plan to live
Lt.Cmdr. Data: He must have died in his sleep.
Lieutenant Worf: What a terrible way to die.
"Pidgeon Day? That's so last week. This week it's mutilate-a-sheep day."
"Some people wake up dead. Some people have to run without legs. And
your just worrying about a little bit of homework!"
"The Borg...party poopers of the galaxy."
Tom Paris, from ST:V "One"
Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches/sec.
We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary.
Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. Logic doesn't apply to
the real world.
-- Marvin Minsky
Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Never attribute to malloc what can be easily explained by stupidity.
"I've written a commercial for Apple Computer. It goes like this:
'Macintosh - we might not get everything right, but at least we
knew the century was going to end.'"
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
E Pluribus Modem
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
Fun thing to do as root, in root:
chmod -R 666 *
Just as bad as rm -rf *, but more fun.
"The files are all there, but I can't do anything with them!"
And you can't change permissions, since chmod isn't executable either. :-)
Whaddya mean you haven't got Klingon fonts for X11?
Walking through the basement of Fuller Labs wearing futuristic body
armor and pushing a variable-geometry motorcycle raises eyebrows.
Telling students that this is the true power of UNIX doesn't help.
The truth is out there...anybody got the URL?
>I need to send a letter to about 12,000 addressees. Please advise of the
>best way to accomplish such a task. Can you be of assistance?
"When SysAdmins Attack!" This Sunday, on Fox.
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
Go ahead, make my data!
"Just because the hole is rectangular doesn't mean
you can push squares through it."
-- Mike DeMaria, explaining why you don't put a floppy disk in a zip
"I am logged in, therefore I am."
Never stick your tongue into a strange hypercube.
Thru the gateway, off the repeater, over the T-3 backbone, nothing but
The fact that windows is one of the most popular ways to operate a
means that evolution has made a general fuckup and our race is doomed.
"shutdown -halt now" - The final word in network security tools.
FUBAR - where CS students go for a drink.
: You are in a dark room with a compiler, emacs, an internet connection,
: and a thermos of coffee.
: Your move ?
I degaussed my girlfriend and I'm just not attracted to her anymore. <-
To know recursion, you must first know recursion.
"Today's CS lecture will be conducted entirely through the medium of
interpretive dance." --something I've always wanted to hear but never
| Emacs is better than Vi. | Let's |
| MacOS is better than Windows. | start the |
| Unix is better than VMS. | religious |
| C is better than Java. | wars! |
DISCLAIMER - These opoi^H^H "damn", ^H, [esc :q :qq !q "shoot!" :Q!
mean, Not an editor command?" :wq! ^C^C^C !STOP ^bye ^quit :quit! !halt
^w^q :!w :wq! ^D :qq!! ^STOP [HALT! HALT!!! "Why's it doing this?"
:wwqq!! ^Z ^L ^ESC STOP :bye bye bye! "Hey, what's this red button
I don't care if you are getting a PhD in it!
Get away from that damn computer and go find a woman!
Microsoft - because God hates us
Today we celebrate the first glorious anniversary of the Information
Purification Directive. We have created, for the first time in all
history, a garden of pure ideology where each worker may bloom secure
from the pests purveying contradictory and confusing truths. Our
unification of thought is more powerful a weapon than any fleet or army
on earth. We are one people. With one will. One resolve. One cause.
Our enemies shall talk themselves to death, and will bury them with their
own confusion. We shall prevail!
--"Big Brother" in the Apple commercial "1984"
Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash
"In the beginning, the file was without form, and void; and
emptiness was upon the face of the bits. And the Fingers of
the Author moved upon the face of the keyboard. And the Author
said, Let there be words, and there were words."
--From Linux System Administrators' Guide
On January 1, 2000 all the computers in the world
will fail. And on that great day, the Lord shall
deliver us from Bill Gates and set us free again!
Please send all spam to my main address, root(@)localhost :-)
Getting a SCSI chain working is perfectly simple if you remember that
there must be exactly three terminations: one on one end of the cable,
one on the far end, and the goat, terminated over the SCSI chain with
a silver-handled knife whilst burning *black* candles.
-- Anthony DeBoer
"You spent my 150 Million on WHAT?! I said SNAPPLE not Apple!"
--Bill Gates to his broker
Microsoft is a cross between The Borg and the Ferengi. Unfortunately,
use Borg to do their marketing and Ferengi to do their programming.
-- Simon Slavin in asr
"If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics!"
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray
and the blinking red light.
All right who's been cooking hot dogs in the Warp Drive?
"Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"
Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface
Just don't create a file called -rf. :-)
-- Larry Wall in <11393(@)jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
kill -9 them all. init will know its own.
"God, root, what is difference?" I've always found it easier to hack root.
-- Ben Aveling on a.s.r.
"There are really only four levels of the OSI model.
Everything else is just overhead and underwear."
-- Mike DeMaria, on IST 452, Local Area Networks
"How do I exit...press Control-Alt-Delete?"
-- Overheard from a student who was on a Sun Sparcstation using
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
Taunt not the sysadmin, for he can become you and make your life
Surely the 4 sysadmins of the apocalypse should be:
edquota, rm -rf, kill -9, and shutdown.
-- Rob Blake
Microsoft (noun). C+ students programming in c++.
-- Mike DeMaria
The truly paranoid administrator may wish to place
motion detectors in the air ducts.
-- Practical UNIX & Internet Security, 2nd Edition
As an example, I submit: abraxus.com does not exist.
Now, hands up everyone who did a lookup of the domain...
or registered it in an attempt to prove me wrong.
-- Paul Tomko on a.s.r.
Ever notice something? Unix comes with compilers. NT comes with
He tried to lpr a GIF file. What does LPR stand for?
Lotsa Paper, Retard! Any more questions?
-- Brian Testa
Life's unfair - but the root password helps!
"A good programmer is someone who looks both ways
before crossing a one-way street."
-- Doug Linder
A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to Hell,"
sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful.
I had the misfortune of having to attend a SQLSewer course.
Ye ghods, it's a noddy system. The limitations are unlimited.
-- John Burnham
Go climb a gravity well.
On the wall of the women's restroom on the Enterprise:
"Where no man has gone before"
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its
capacity - the rest is overhead for the operating system.
A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
Lisp Users: Due to the holiday, there will be no garbage collection on
The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.
Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed
Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet.
ObATSR: Netmask of luser: 255.0.0.250 WTF?? <BOGGLE> I can't think of
single reason why someone whould need something like this. My brain
to lock up when I try to figure it out. Is there a reason, or is my brain
starting to explode normal when dealing with such things?
"The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck,
is probably the day Microsoft starts making vacuum cleaners."
-- Ernst Jan Plugge
Windows NT to extend reach update: Microsoft wants customized versions
of Windows NT for "embedded" systems such as health and communications
equipment. Gives Blue Screen of Death a whole new meaning...
Hmm, well we're hoping that once we get our COFFEE protocol running,
we'll be able to control all the coffee makers in the world.
-- Josh Cohen
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-- Leonard Brandwein
I love recursion, it breaks most people's brains.
-- Thorfinn <thorfinn(@)tertius.net.au>
Tell init(8) to lock-n-load, we're goin' zombie slaying!
Bacteria multiply by simple division.
-- Dilbert, t.v. show
Why must lusers communicate with me? It's like a 56k modem trying
to impress a T3... the T3 just doesn't give a shit.
-- Stephen Edwards
Its a java applet written in C...wow, that broke his head thinking about
-- Mike DeMaria
Female programmers get their bits twiddled.
If you think C++ is not overly complicated, just what is a protected
abstract virtual base pure virtual private destructor, and when
was the last time you needed one?
-- Tom Cargill, C++ Journal, Fall 1990.
Program in Java. Taste the future. It will keep you awake at night.
-- Mike DeMaria
I drink therefore I am (W.C. Fields)
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
"Goodbye Geordi! I shall miss you at weapon systems analysis"
-- Η Έβελυν (Jokes-Robot(@)ceid.upatras.gr) γράφει : Σχολια για τις γυναικες στην παραλια: -Φορανε μπικινι, φορανε τοπλες Γερασιμος Γιακουματος ________________________________________________________________________ Joke of the Day ... Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων https://anekdota.duckdns.org ___ Η JotD βγαίνει σε Ελληνικά και Greeklish ___ ________________________________________________________________________