JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)

Θέμα: Software Engineers

(nil): Akis Karnouskos (akis(@)
Ημερομηνία: Τρι 10 Ιουν 1997 - 09:43:27 EEST

   * Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them,
     and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely

   * Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are
     so mnemonic they don't have to.

   * Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they
     implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm
     might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user
     interface, though.

   * Real software engineers eat quiche.

   * If it doesn't have recursive function calls, real software engineers
     don't program in it. Real software engineers don't program in
     assembler. They become queasy at the very thought.

   * Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness.
     This process doesn't necessarily involve executing anything on a
     computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.

   * Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are
     suspicious of it because they have heard that it lets you get "close
     to the machine."

   * Real software engineers play tennis. In general, they don't like any
     sport that involves getting hot and sweaty and gross when out of range
     of a shower. (Thus mountain climbing is Right Out.) They will
     occasionally wear their tennis togs to work, but only on very sunny

   * Real software engineers admire PASCAL for its discipline and Spartan
     purity, but they find it difficult to actually program in. They don't
     tell this to their friends, because they are afraid it means that they
     are somehow Unworthy.

   * Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the
     job is described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like
     using an undocumented external procedure.

   * Real software engineers write in languages that have not actually been
     implemented for any machine, and for which only the formal spec (in
     BNF) is available. This keeps them from having to take any machine
     dependencies into account. Machine dependencies make real software
     engineers very uneasy.

   * Real software engineers don't write in ADA, because the standards
     bodies have not quite decided on a formal spec yet.

   * Real software engineers like writing their own compilers, preferably
     in PROLOG (they also like writing them in unimplemented languages, but
     it turns out to be difficult to actually RUN these).

   * Real software engineers regret the existence of COBOL, FORTRAN and
     BASIC. PL/1 is getting there, but it is not nearly disciplined enough;
     far too much built in function.

   * Real software engineers aren't too happy about the existence of users,
     either. Users always seem to have the wrong idea about what the
     implementation and verification of algorithms is all about.

   * Real software engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and
     greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any
     moment. They have a great distrust of hardware people, and wish that
     systems could be virtual at ALL levels. They would like personal
     computers (you know no one's going to trip over something and kill
     your DFA in mid-transit), except that they need 8 megabytes to run
     their Correctness Verification Aid packages.

   * Real software engineers think better while playing WFF 'N' PROOF.

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