JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)

Θέμα: Annoying in Da LaB..!!!

(nil): Johnnie Georgopoulos (KAROTOS(@)KRONOS.CHEMENG.UPATRAS.GR)
Ημερομηνία: Δευ 01 Σεπ 1997 - 13:42:24 EEST

                                 COMPUTER LAB
     * Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face
     and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
     * Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly
     stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
     * When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on
     duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's
     turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process
     for a good half hour.
     * Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next
     to you evilly.
     * Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to
     different screen than the one it's set up with.
     * Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play
     it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
     * Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled
     by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
     * Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into
     top-secret Pentagon files.
     * Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't
     * Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you
     turn it on.
     * Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you
     have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
     * Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3
     minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue
     * Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as
     if they're crazy while typing.
     * Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before
     * Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until
     someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I
     * Every time you press Return and there is processing time
     required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!"
     when it finishes.
     * "DISK FIGHT!!!"
     * Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you
     (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new
     * Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your
     pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
     * If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing
     "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time
     * Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape
     it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then
     complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
     * Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc
     drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
     * When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly
     where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
     * Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its
     all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
     * Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely.
     After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the
     person next to you.
     * Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the
     person next to you. Grinds some more. Repeat procedure, making sure
     you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this
     releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
     * If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split
     ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you
     * Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal
     Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
     * Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove
     shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by
     layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about
     the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
     * Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your
     paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about
     the bad working conditions.
     * Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!"
     and continue working.
     * Bring som dry ice & make it look like your computer is
     * Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A
     Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its
     note loudly. Write an entire pape this way.
     * Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
     * Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying
     "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the
     keyboard & taking it.
     * Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
     * When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that
     sometimes the old ways are best.
     * Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the
     * Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over
     again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the
     space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's
     keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire
     word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake
     your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep
     doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's
     document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been
     hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting!
     Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
     * Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab
     monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special
     effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim
     that the computer is drooling.)
     * Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really
     puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep
     laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
     * Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while
     making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or
     the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from
     under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It
     worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
     * Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
     * See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk
     to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they
     get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
     * Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd
     sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
     * Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain
     that the lead doesn't work.
     * Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered
     species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence,
     then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the
     screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts,
     also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer
     assistant, and walk out.
     * Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!",
     then calmly sit down and begin to type.
     * Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker
     chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person
     and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet
     crocodile for the next week".
     * Two words: Tesla Coil.

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  ||                       * Johnnie Georgopoulos *                       ||
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  ||      Chemical Engineering Department    /     Address: room 2A    /  ||
  ||       University of Patras, Greece      \ Students Residence Hall \  ||
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  ||      karotos(@)  /      RION - GREECE      /  ||
  ||  Phone: (+30) 61-992360 (room 2A)       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ||
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