1. Men are biologically incapable of letting a woman light a barbeque

2. Men drive to a party, women drive back.

3. Heterosexual women are not frightened of lesbians, whereas

heterosexual men are terrified of homosexuals - once they are

pointed out to them, by women.

4. Men have flu, women have colds.

5. Women do not replace tops on jars and tubes. Men put them on so

tightly they cannot be removed at all.

6. Men do one thing well at a time, e.g. drink a cup of coffee. In the

time a woman can make breakfast, make the children's sandwiches,

organise the window cleaner, phone the office, dress the children,

write the shopping list, iron a shirt and de-flea the cat. Women have

not yet realised that this is an evolutionary disadvantage.

7. Men warm their posteriors, women do not.

8. Women's posteriors enable them to sit comfortably on the floor, men's

do not.

9. Any man who regularly visits his mother is a mummy's boy; a woman

who does the same is a good daughter.

10. A man who has no difficulty undressing an adult woman will

nevertheless prove incapable of fitting a small child into a baby gro.

11. A woman believes that visitors will be impressed by a clean house; a

man believes that visitors will be impressed by his large stereo.

12. Exactly the same haircut will cost L30 more for a woman than it will

for a man.

13. Men make lists (but not this one.)

TOP FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE

5. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for

future references.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is

incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative

as " If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not

going to tell you."

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending

half your paycheck on accessories for it.

In the interest of gender equality ...

TOP FIVE REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE

5. They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.

4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you've

established a network connection.

3. They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more

than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.

2. They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded

in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already

invested so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to

remain with an under-powered system.

1. They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time you

have their attention.