> >THE MAN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
> >---------------------------------------------------------------
> >We need = I want
> >It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
> >Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
> >We need to talk = I need to complain
> >You're...so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
> >You're certainly attentive tonight! = Is sex all you ever think
about?
> >I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
> >This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
> >I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
...
> >I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of
white
> >Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there
> >I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
> >Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
> >How much do you love me? = I did something today you're not going
to
> >like
> >I'll be ready in a minute = kick off your shoes and find a good
game
> >on TV
> >Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
> >You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
> >Yes = No
> >No = No
> >Maybe = No
> >I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
> >Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix so you'd better get
used
> >to it
> >I'm not yelling! = Yes I'm yelling because I think it's important
> >All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that
> >we're
> >stopping at the cosmetics
> >department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few purses,
and
> >those
> >sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your check
> >book?
> >-----------------------------------------------------------------
> >THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH
> >-----------------------------------------------------------------
> >I'm hungry = I'm hungry
> >I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
> >I'm tired = I'm tired
> >Do you want to go to a movie = I'd eventually like to have sex with
> >you
> >Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex
with
> >you
> >Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
> >May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
> >Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
> >You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
> >What's wrong? = I don't see why you're making such a big deal out
of
> >this
> >What's wrong? = what meaningless, self inflicted psychological
trauma
> >are
> >you going through now?
> >What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
> >I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
> >I love you = Let's have sex now
> >I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
> >Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
> >Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look
that
> >much different!
> >Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
> >person and maybe then you'd like to > have sex with me
> >Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to
have
> >sex with you
> >I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any frigging dress
and
> >let's go home!
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