JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)

Θέμα: Re: pizza

(nil): Konstantinos Koukoulis (kxk(@)culture.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Πεμ 02 Ιουλ 1998 - 13:34:25 EEST

Tha ithela na ksera , diavazei kaneis mexri to telos tetia fantastika mail ????

Filio Monou wrote:

> 100 ZANY WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER
>
> 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the
> person taking the order to stop doing that.
>
> 2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
>
> 3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
>
> 4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
>
> 5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
>
> 6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're
> going with the lowest bidder.
>
> 7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
>
> 8. Answer their questions with questions.
>
> 9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and
> ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
>
> 10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED,
> COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, and PUCE.
>
> 11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
>
> 12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's
> "Master of Puppets" CD.
>
> 13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
>
> 14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
>
> 15. Stutter on the letter "p."
>
> 16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask
> for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
>
> 17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
>
> 18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
>
> 19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called
> you.
>
> 20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would
> like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
>
> 21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
>
> 22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
>
> 23. Change your accent every three seconds.
>
> 24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from
> an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
>
> 25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters'
> Camp, right?"
>
> 26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself
> and say "No, I don't."
>
> 27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK.
> That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
>
> 28. Rent a pizza.
>
> 29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
>
> 30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh
> of relief.
>
> 31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i"
> sound.
>
> 32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
>
> 33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well,
> so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer
> proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you
> know what it's like to be lied to?"
>
> 34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak.
> When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye
> at the top of your lungs.
>
> 35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
>
> 36. Imitate the order taker's voice.
>
> 37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
>
> 38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
>
> 39. Play a sitar in the background.
>
> 40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid
> behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise
> him/her.
>
> 41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
>
> 42. Ask to see a menu.
>
> 43. Quote Carl Sandberg.
>
> 44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
>
> 45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
>
> 46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
>
> 47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be
> ashamed.
>
> 48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
>
> 49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best,
> Gaston!"
>
> 50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was
> I? Who are you?"
>
> 51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
>
> 52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
>
> 53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
>
> 54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that
> these be included in the pizza.
>
> 55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and
> didn't mean it.
>
> 56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's
> fired.
>
> 57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
>
> 58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary
> in Tinsel Town."
>
> 59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
>
> 60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed
> by your sweet words."
>
> 61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
>
> 62. Try to talk while drinking something.
>
> 63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. ..
> action!"
>
> 64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
>
> 65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
>
> 66. Be vague in your order.
>
> 67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this
> time."
>
> 68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
>
> 69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does."
> Simulate a cutoff.
>
> 70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may
> be my last entry."
>
> 71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to
> get.
>
> 72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a
> description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
>
> 73. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt
> that.
>
> 74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
>
> 75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
>
> 76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular
> intervals to play it.
>
> 77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
>
> 78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from
> some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
>
> 79. Put them on hold.
>
> 80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent
> orders.
>
> 81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that,
> say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
>
> 82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say
> "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
>
> 83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated
> again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do
> you?"
>
> 84. When you'ge given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I
> hate math."
>
> 85. Haggle.
>
> 86. Order a one-inch pizza.
>
> 87. Order term life insurance.
>
> 88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out,
> won't we?"
>
> 89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
>
> 90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
>
> 91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act
> embarrassed.
>
> 92. Engage in some serious swapping.
>
> 93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If
> he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
>
> 94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the
> background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
>
> 95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
>
> 96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
>
> 97. Order a steamed pizza.
>
> 98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your
> (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
>
> 99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
>
> If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker,
>
> 100. Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
>
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>
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