(nil): Theodore Abazis (ta(@)cedefop.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Δευ 09 Αύγ 1999 - 19:17:01 EEST
Man walks into a restaurant (not a bar this time). He beckons over a waiter
and says "Where's the fucking piano, you miserable cunt arsed piece of shit
The waiter is, understandably, somewhat taken aback. "excuse me?" he
"the fucking piano, P-I-A-N-O, you fucking tit wank."
The waiter, now close to tears, being a sensitive young type, calls over the
manager, who experiences a similar onslaught from the stranger. After
several minutes of intense abuse the manager manages (as they do) to
establish that the man is in fact a pianist who has come for a job playing
in the restaurant.
Just as he is about to have the man ejected from the premises, the man sits
down at the piano and plays the most beautiful blues progression the manager
has ever heard.
"My God that's beautiful," he declares. "Who wrote that?"
"I did, arsehole" replies the pianist
"What's it called ?" enquires the manager, fighting back the tears
"It's called 'Bend Over Big Boy and Let Me Rip Your Ring In Two With My
The stranger then commences to play a ballad, the most moving, delicate and
tender piece the manager has ever heard. As a lone tear strolls down his
cheek, like a lost child in the wilderness, he again asks the title of the
"That one's called 'Lick the Shit From My Dick After I Fuck Your Father,
Little Girl' The stranger turns back to his piano and plays the most
rhythmically intricate and harmonically complex, yet breath-takingly
glorious jazz progression ever played or heard by any human being ever.
"That one's called 'You're a Cunt But I'll Come On Your Tits Anyway,
Unable to let this unique talent slip through his hands, the manager offers
the pianist the job, on condition that he agrees not to talk to any
customers and not to introduce any of his songs.
This works fine and business booms for the restaurant and word gets about
town of this amazing performer. Until one evening when a stunning 6ft
slice of sex in a short red skirt with the face of an angel and the body of
a porn queen sits at the table directly in front of the pianist.
He cannot take his eyes off this vision and can feel his penis pushing the
piano away from him as it grows to a size he could beforehand only imagine.
Unable to contain his frustration for a moment longer, he finishes playing
and makes a dash for the toilet where he masturbates furiously, shooting his
immense load all over the wall and floor. Relieved and now calm, he returns
to his piano and is about to continue with the evening's entertainment, when
the woman in the short red dress approaches him, leans over the piano and
whispers in his ear:
"Do you know your balls are hanging out and there's cum dribbling onto your
"Know it?" replies our man, " I fucking wrote it"
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