JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)

Θέμα: FW: CyberSex and hell

(nil): ilias (i(@)
Ημερομηνία: Κυρ 14 Μάι 2000 - 14:49:17 EEST


Welcome To Hell
Hello, nice to see you all again!
As the more perceptive of you have probably realized by now, this is Hell,
and I am the Devil's right-hand person. Good evening. You can call me
Toby,ilias,jane or 665, if you like. We try to keep things informal down
as well as infernal.
Now, you're all here for eternity, which I hardly need tell you is a hell of
a long time, so you get to know everyone pretty well by the end,
but for now I'll have to split you up into groups.
Are there any questions?
No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. If you'd read your Bible, you
have seen that it was damnation without relief. So, I'm afraid if you didn't
go before you came then you're not going to enjoy yourself very much, but
then, I believe that's the general idea.
Right, let's split you up then.
Can you all hear me? CAN YOU HEAR ME AT THE RACK?
Off we go ...
Murderers, over here. Looters and pillagers -- over there please.
Thieves, if you could join them, and all lawyers, and politicians.
Fornicators, if you could step forward -- my God, there are a lot of you.
Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest? Adulterers, if you
could just form a line in front of that small guillotine there.
AMERICANS, are you here? I'm sorry about this -- apparently God had
some problems with your founding fathers and damned the entire race
into perpetuity. He sends particular condolences to the Mormons
and Baptists, who He realizes put in a lot of wasted work.
The Iranians, I'm afraid, couldn't be with us -- someone's been holding
them in purgatory for the last nine months.
Sodomites, over there against the wall.
Atheists, over here please. You must be feeling like a right bunch
of know-it-all's
All Christians will be separated from all Born-Again Christians
to avoid long boring arguments about who's more Christian ....
...... ah yes, I'm afraid the Jews had it right after all.
Moonies, maniacs, marite eaters, male models, masochists,
mass murderers and masseurs, if you could take a pew at the back
-- with the Methodists, that is.
Now, you're the bunch who used to kill whales, is that right? Ah, yes,
I must remember -- we've got some strips of flesh to tear off you later.
Everyone who saw Monty Python's "Life Of Brian" -- I'm afraid He
can't take a joke after all.
All right now, one final thing -- we're trying to implement some sort of
exchange scheme with the God, or Bob as we know him. Some of you will
spend a decade in heaven and we're having some angels down here.
Now, I hardly need tell you that they will be expected to behave in an
exemplary manner, so, I hope you will do the exact opposite -- tear off
their wings, use their haloes for Frisbee practice, that sort of thing.
MTV, rap and heavy metal music will be played for eternity, and
salt and brimstone are free.
Well, I have to go now, but Beelzebub here will show you the ropes,
chains and electrodes."
... And remember our motto: "Until Hell Freezes Over."

-----Original Message-----
From: CountZero [mailto:CountZero(@)]
Sent: Saturday, May 13, 2000 6:49 PM
To: Joke of the Day ...
Subject: JotD... CyberSex

Htan enas typos pou kapou akouse thn leksh cybersex. Tou fanhke poly
parakseno opote apofasise na to ervnhsei perissotero to thema. Paei se
enan gnosto tou fysiko kai ton rotaei:
-Mhpos ksereis ti einai to cybersex?
-Ti sex?
-Kala asto...
Dokimazei kai me enan gnosto tou giatro:
-Mhpos ksereis ti einai to cybersex?
-Ti sex?
Synexizei me enan gnosto tou xhmiko
-Mhpos ksereis ti einai to cybersex?
-Ti sex?
-Tipota tipota...
Telos apofasizei na rothsei enan programmatisth pou iksere:
-Re file exo apelpistei.. Prospatho apegnosmena na matho ti einai afto
to cybersex kai den vrhka kanenan na me diafotisei.. mhpos ksereis esy?
-Cyber ti??

"The last possible deed is that which defines perception itself, an
invisible golden cord that connects us: illegal dancing in the
courthouse corridors. If I
were to kiss you here they'd call it an act of terrorism--so let's take
our pistols to bed & wake up the city at midnight like drunken bandits
with a fusillade, the message of the taste of chaos."
         Joke of the Day ... Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων
      Newsgroup (Read-Only) news://
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