JotD / QotD Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων (JotD)

Θέμα: Re: ΑΧ ΑΥΤΟ ΤΟ ΜΥΑΛΟ ΜΟΥ, ΕΔΩ ΟΙ5ΒΑΘΜΟΙ

(nil): babylon (babylon(@)eexi.gr)
Ημερομηνία: Τρι 03 Δεκ 2002 - 14:40:00 EET

Stage 1 - CLEVER
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the
known universe. You KNOW you know everything and you want to pass on
your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are
always RIGHT. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very
WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are
CLEVER.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the
entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect
stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you.
Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this
person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world.
You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured
truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at
this stage, because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally,
you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet
because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you
fancy, because you are now the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone,
especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is
because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to
the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a
battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle,
because you are CLEVER, you're RICH and Hell you're BETTER LOOKING
than them anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do
anything, because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You can dance on a table to
impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in
the room cannot see you. You can also snog the face off them because
the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also
INVISIBLE to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through
the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see
or hear you and because you're still CLEVER you know ALL the words.

**************************************************

THE FIVE STAGES OF HANGOVERS:

Stage 1 -STUPID
As you regain consciousness and begin to enjoy a flood of sensations
only dimly remembered from previous hangovers, such as the pneumatic
drill headache, clothes smelling of Guinness/Tetley/Baileys/add
tipples mostly consumed night before}. You realise that you have
lost not only several hours of your life but the ability to
concentrate on anything.You are now officially stupid and will
probably stay stupid until you get onto your third bacon sandwich.

Stage 2 - UGLY
Never entirely happy with the comic effects of the bathroom mirror
first thing you are horrified to discover that you have now become
even less attractive than you thought previously possible. Not only
has the combined effect of the booze and smoky/sweaty atmosphere
given you a glorious collection of spots but you've either left your
makeup on overnight or are shaking so much that you now look like
you've shaved with a sanding block! Unfortunately you are still too
stupid to know better than to try and shave whilst shaking or to
remember the necessary beauty tips to paper over the cracks.

Stage 3 - POOR
Having crawled out of bed and got dressed you are about to shamble
out the door when you discover that the money you got from the
cashpoint to last you the week is now missing from your wallet.
Being stupid, you have no idea what happened to it but the smell of
curry on your coat/duvet leads you to suspect that you may have
treated an entire rugby team to curry and lagers at some point.
Alternatively your pocket will have been picked or you will have
given the taxi driver a 20/50? note by mistake. Rationalising that
you couldn't possibly have been that stupid and that You would
remember being mugged, you come to believe that you were the only
one who bought any drinks all night and start to loathe all
humanity.

Stage 4 - MADE OF GLASS
As you are now a stupid, ugly and poor sociopath, you embody
most of the characteristics you hate in other people and your self respect
plummets. Your already
fragile physical condition is made worse by this until you think you are likely
to melt or shatter if
handled at all roughly.

Stage 5 - CIRCUS FREAK
Luckily, any non-hungover person can spot this condition and
its cause from a great distance. Even better, they know that they can
complete your misery by parading you in front of your colleagues/family/friends,
shouting at you
and insisting that you
drink things with whole eggs and Worcestershire sauce in or eat
greasy food as "its the only thing that will make you feel better".
You are too stupid to know where to hide and too conspicuously ugly
to get away with it, too poor to buy alka seltzer and too fragile to
hit them. 

--
Η Έβελυν (Jokes-Robot(@)ceid.upatras.gr) γράφει :
-Πειτε μας κυριε Νικολαιδη, ειναι ο πρωτος σας δισκος; -Ο πρωτος;
Οχι, ειναι ο δεκατος εβδομος
Γιουλη Ηλιοπουλου (ΣΚΑΙ)
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