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-(1)

A man stumbles into the only only person in a bar and asks if he could buy
him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland", replies
the second man.

The first man responds "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have
another drink to Ireland."

"Of course",replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin", comes the reply.

"I can't beleive it", says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have
another drink to Dublin."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62".

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I
graduated in '62 too

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much", replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."

-(2)

Three Blonds are in a bar. They keep cheering and and yelling "we did it!"
and "we are the best!" After this had been going on for a while a guy comes
over and asks "what did you do that was so great?" and they shout "We just
finished a 50 piece puzzle in two months and the box said 3 to 5 years!"

-(3)

11 people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope

suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.

10 were blondes, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one

of the party must let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break

and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would

sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

The blondes applauded.

-(4)

THERE'S A BLONDE DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD AND SHE SEES A FARM HOUSE, SO SHE
PULLS INTO THE DRIVEWAY. THE FARMER COMES OUT AND ASKS HER WHAT SHE NEEDS.
SHE SAYS, "IF I GUESS HOW MANY SHEEP YOU HAVE, CAN I HAVE ONE?" AND THE
FARMER SAYS, NO, I CAN'T DO THAT, YOU ARE A BLONDE. THE NEXT DAY, SHE DYES
HER HAIR BROWN AND GOES BACK TO THE HOUSE. THE FARMER COME BACK OUT, AND
AGAIN ASKS HOW HE CAN HELP HER. SHE SAYS," IF I CAN GUESS HOW MANY SHEEP YOU
HAVE, CAN I HAVE ONE?" THE FARMER SAYS, "SURE, AS LONG AS YOU ARE NOT A
BLONDE." THE "BLONDE" SAYS, YOU HAVE 14 SHEEP. THE FARMER SAYS, CORRECT, YOU
CAN TAKE HOME ONE OF MY SHEEP. BUT JUST AS SHE WAS PULLING OUT, THE FARMER
STOPS HER AND SAYS "IF I CAN GUESS YOUR NATURAL HAIR COLOR, CAN I HAVE MY
DOG BACK?"

-(5)

There were three people about to get executed in the electric chair,a
blonde,a redhead,and a brunette.First the brunette was strapped into the
electric chair.The executioner asked the brunette if she had any last
words,she said no.The executioner pressed the button but nothing happened so
they had to let her go.Next the redhead was strapped in.They asked her if
she had any last words,she said no.The executioner pressed the button but
nothing happened,so they had to let her go.Then the blonde was strapped
in.The executioner asked him if he had any last words and the blonde said
"The electric chair would work a lot better if you plugged it in."

-(6)

A blonde was riding a horse when it started running really fast. It kept
going faster and faster, and the blonde was losing her grip, so she started
to slide down the horses side until she was upside down underneath the
horse. The blondes head was getting knocked along the ground, and all the
while, the blonde was yelling for help. Right before she passed out, the
WalMart manager came and turned off the mechanical horse.

-(7)

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a small
bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blond jokes,
when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says:

"I've heard just about enough of your degrading blond jokes, Asshole! What m
akes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's
physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys
like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my
community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and
your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only other
blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humor!"

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up,
"You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the little bastard on your
knee!"

-(8)

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde walk into a bar. They sit there for a
while before they talk to the bartender. He tells them that if they go into
the bathroom and say something that's true into the mirror, a genie will
appear and grant them one wish. If they don't say something true, they get
sucked into the mirror. They all go into the bathroom. The brunette steps in
front of the mirror and says "I think I'm the smartest woman in the bar."
The genie appears and grants her a wish. The redhead steps in front of the
mirror and says "I think I'm the prettiest woman in the bar." The genie
again appears and grants her a wish. The blonde steps in front of the mirror
and says "I think...." and immediately the blonde is sucked into the mirror.

-(9)

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to
kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a
kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put
$10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on
the North side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show
it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a
paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag
and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a
fellow Blonde?"

-(10)

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what

had had happened to her ears?

"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the

phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to

your other ear?"

"The son-of-a-bitch called back!"

-(11)

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of using the mens room. Each
time he went to the door it was occupied. The stewardess was aware of his
need and suggested he use the ladies room, but cautioned him pressing the
buttons on the wall.

The buttons were marked WW, WA, PP, and ATR. Eventually his curiousity got
the best of him and sitting there he carefully pressed the first button
marked WW. Immediately the warm water sprayed gently over his entire ass. He
thought "golly" these gals really have it made.

Not yet satisfied he pressed the second button marked WA. Warm air dried his
ass completely. This he thought was out of this world. The button marked PP
when pressed yielded a large powder puff which patted his ass lightly with a
scented perfume powder.

Now he thought...by the time he pressed the button he was aware of nothing
more until he awoke in the hospital in a panic. He buzzed for the nurse.
When she apppeared he cried out "What Happened."

The last thing I remember was being in the ladies room aboard a 747. The
nurse replied, so you were but you were cautioned about pressing any buttons
on the wall. You were doing great until you pushed the button marked ATR
which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover.

Your penis is under your pillow.

-(12)

Three men were driving in a car. One man was an American, one was a
European, and the other was an Asian. The Asian had an axe, The European had
a sword and the American had a bomb. Then, the Asian said, my country
doesn't need any more of these and with that he threw the axe out the
window. Then the European said, my country doesn't need any more of these,
so he threw the sword out the window. Next the American said, my country
doesn't need any more of these so he threw the bomb out the window.

later the group went walking and they saw a girl crying. They asked her why
she was crying and she said, an axe came out of the sky and hit my mom.

The group kept walking and saw a little boy crying. They asked him what was
wrong and he said a sword came from the sky and hit my dad.

The 3 men continued to walk when they saw a boy hysterically laughing. The
men asked him what was so funny and he blurted out: "I farted and my house
blew up."

-(13)

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to
take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had
to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin
Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
could be that rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the
last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong
number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.

When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and
hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in
my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, "You're a
jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real
disappointment for me; I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one
day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I
made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the Telephone Company and
I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"

He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and
said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how, if
there's ever

anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial
823-4863.

[Keep reading, it gets better.]

This old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking
space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to
move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a
little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's
finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the
parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulled into her space. I started
honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here
first!"

The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward
the

mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a
jackass, there sure a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a
"For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then
I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten
off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's
really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.)

I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk
and

thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered
the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro
for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."

I said, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes,"

"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.

After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while
things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two
jackasses to call. Then after several months of calling the jackasses and
hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the
problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.

First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,

"Hello."

I yelled, "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.

The jackass said, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me."

I said, "No."

He said, "What's your name, Pal?"

I said, "Don Hansen."

"Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out
front."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers. "

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2.

He answered, "Hello."

I said, "Hello, Jackass!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll kick your ass."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung
up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802
West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got
home.

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th
Street.

After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the
whole thing.

Glorious! If you want to watch two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each
other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, I taped it off the
evening news.

-(14)

There were these three guys, who had wandered away from there camp site and
had gotten lost.

They walked until they came to a small farmhouse, where they knocked on the
door hoping to use the phone.

The farmer said that he had no phone, and asked what they were doing so far
out in the country. They explained there situation to the farmer who said, I
know where that campground is and I can drive you there in the morning. and
he said, your more than welcome to sleep in the barn.

They walked around the back of the house noticing that the barn was directly
connected to the back of the house. They found there way with a lantern that
the farmer had given them and found a nice bed of hay in one corner of the
barn. When they shut off the lantern it was all dark except for the light
coming through three holes in the wall that connected to the house.

The one guy peered through one of the holes right as the light in the house
was shut off. He said man I think there were naked girls in there.

He then stood up dropped his pants to his ankles, and stuck his dick in the
first hole. After a minute or so he felt someone touching his dick from the
other side, and it starting feeling really good, and he started moaning.
With that one of the other guys immediately put his dick into the second
hole, he immediately felt his being touch and started moaning as well,
exclaiming how good it felt. Well with that the third guy got up and stuck
his dick in the third hole. He to felt something touching him and he guessed
it felt pretty good. All three guys then heard the girls on the other side
of the wall to meet them outside. Well the first to guys scrambled around to
the front of the house but the third guy couldn't pull away from the whole
because who ever had him wouldn't let go, but it still felt pretty good to
him so he didn't care.

The next morning came and the farmer came out to the barn with a shotgun, he
knew his two daughters had seen some action last night and was bound that
those responsible would do the proper thing.

Which one of you had sex with Katy my oldest daughter, the first guy stepped
forward fearing for his life and said that he had been with Katy last night.
The farmer said well you have to ask her hand in marriage now, and he
agreed.

Which one of you had sex with Samantha, the second guy stepped forward and
said that it had been him and that he would gladly marry her.

The third guy slumped forward and said well you might as well shoot me
because I dont think I could servive another night with your other daughter,
she wouldn't even stop when it became painful and I was crying and
screaming, no just shoot me.

I only have two daughters said the farmer

Well then who was behind the third whole? he asked

Oh that would be my milking machine, it doesn't stop till it gets 12 full
quarts.

-(15)

How do you know a blond has been making chocolate chip cookies?

Broken M&M shells.

How do you know a blond's computer?

There is whiteout on the computer screen.

How do you know a blond is wearing panty hose?

When she farts, her ankles swell.

How do you know a blond's penny?

It's not very bright.

What's black and white and looks awful on a blond?

A pit bull.

How do you know a blond is saying something stupid?

Her lips are moving.

Why didn't the blond use the supository?

It tasted awful.

Three blonds were having lunch. The first said, "I found a package of
condoms in the boss' desk." The second said, "I did too and I put a hole in
every one." The third blond fainted.

-16

There was a race across the English Channel. You can only do the breast
stroke. A blonde, red head, and a brunette entered the race.About 14 hours
later the red head stumbled ashore and was declared the fastest. About 20
minutes later the brunette crawled on the shore and was declared second.
About 4 hours later the blonde stumbled ashore to the worried onlookers.
when the reporter asked her what took her so long to complete the race she
says,"Well I hate to make it sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those
other 2 women were using there arms."

-17

A Blonde calls up her friend and askes her if she can come over and help her
with this awesome puzzle she just got. Well, the friend fugured "Hey, I'm
pretty good at puzzles, so what have I got to loose." The friend goes over
to her Blonde friend's house and tells her to take her to the puzzle. The
Blonde takes her friend into the kitchen and asks the Blonde what the puzzle
was supposed to be a picture of. The Blonde replied "a tiger". The friend
looks at the box the Blonde showed her. The friend said "well, 2 things: #1,
this puzzle will NEVER look like a tiger, and #2, put all of the Frosted
Flakes back in the box."

-18

A blonde is vacationing in Florida. For a souvenir she wants real alligator
boots. So she's in a shop and she asks the guy at the desk how much they
cost. He says the price and she says its way too high. She turns around and
stomps out, saying "I'll get my own alligator boots." Later that day, the
guy is driving home from work when he sees the same blonde in a swamo
wrestling an alligator. He sees her kill it and drag it to the shore where
there are several other dead gators, and through the window of his car he
hears her say "Damnit! This one doesn't have damn boots on either!"

-19

One day there was a blonde driving down the interstate. She had just bought
a brand new red ferrari and she cut off a truckdriver and he signaled for
her to pull over so she did and he told her 2 step out of the car& he drew a
circle and told her not to step out of it and right after that he started to
beat in her car windows and she was laughing so hard so he said you think
that is funny watch this and he slashed her tires and she was still laughing
so he took a sledgehammer and bashed the top of her car in and she was
laughing so hard he asked her what was so funny and she said every time you
weren't lookin I stepped out of the circle.

-20

One day a blonde, a brunette and a red head were running away from the cops.
They found a farmhouse and went inside looking for a hiding place. The
brunette sugested the loft. So up they went. They found 3 potato sacks. They
hid in them. The plice chased them into the loft. The police saw the three
potato sacks. The policeman kicked the first one. "Meow" said the brunette,
making the police think it was a cat. they kicked the second sack. The red
head did the same. "Woof" the red head said. Then they kicked the blonde's
sack. "Potato, potato" said the blonde. The police instantly opened the
sacks and arrested the three. The police lined them up to be shot. First was
the brunette. The brunette called out "AVALANCHE!!" the police looked and
the brunette ran away. The red head did the same. "FLOOD!!" the red head
shouted the police looked and the red head ran away> Now it was the blondes
turn. They loaded their guns and were ready. The blonde yelled "FIRE!!"
BANG!!

The end of the blonde.

-21

A blonde woman,who was getting tired of all the jokes, decided to take
action and once and for all show people that blondes are not stupid after
all. The woman studied and memorized all the capitals of all the states.
Proud of her accomplishment, she went to a local bar to prove her point to
any one interested. After only a short while, sure enough, a blonde joke was
told. In her defense she quickly told the person that blondes are not
stupid. She then told the person that she knew all the capitals of all of
the states. The person said "oh yeah, what is the capitol of Vermont? The
blonde quickly replied "V"!!!

-22

One day 1 blonde and two construction workers were sitting on a skyscraper
eating lunch. The first construction worker said "if my wife packs me a
sandwich again i am going to jump off this building. So the next day his
wife packed him a sandwhich and he jumped off the building and died.

The other construction worker said if my wife packs me soup again I'll jump
off this building. So the next day his wife packed him soup and he jumped
off the skyscraper and died.

The blonde said if my wife packs me a bagel I'll jump off this building. So
the next day he jumped off the building and died.

At his funeral his wife was laughing. Everybody asked her why and she
replied "My husband packs his own lunch."

-23

A brunette, a red head, and a blond are taking a walk in the woods when they
see a bridge over a river. As they get closer the find a little elf who
explains that it was a magic bridge, and if you cross it and say something
you want to be then you will become it. So the brunette walks across and
says bird, and flies away. The red head walks across the bridge and says
fish, and proceeds to go into the water and become a fish. Finally the blond
walks towards the end of the bridge, but trips and yells shit.

-24

A blonde gets in her car and looks in horror and grabs her cell phone and
dials 911. The 911 operator answers and says "911 What is your emergency".
She relpies "Help me someone has stolen all of the stuff out of my car". The
operator asked her to explain and she says that her dash is gone and her
radio is gone and even her foot pedals are gone. The operator tells her that
they are on there way and hangs up. About 1 minute later the blonde calls
back and says "It's me again, never mind I was in the back seat!"

-25

There was a plane flying through the air, when the captain came over the
intercomm.

"the plane is out of control!!! we are about to crash!!!"

this blonde jumped up and said:

"I have had a good life with lots of good sex!!! but i have never felt like
a real woman. Is there anybody who can make me fell like a real woman?"

This young 20 something guy stood up and started to walk towards her,
unbuttoning his shirt to show his wash board stomach.

the blonde started to breathe deeply in expectation.

He handed her the shirt and said:

"Iron This!"

-26

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Give her a pack of M & M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical
order.

Q: Then what does she ask you?

A: Does M come before W or 3 before E?

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?

A: Tell her she's pregnant

Q:Then what does she ask you?

A: Is it mine?

Q:What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A: A Golden retriever

Q:How do Blonde brain cells die?

A: Alone

Q:What do you call a blonde with a dollar stuck to her forehead?

A: All you can eat under a buck.

Q:How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upsidedown

Q:What do you call a bleach blonde who works for MENSA?

A: A peroxymoron

ducker_3: -(1)

A man stumbles into the only only person in a bar and asks if he could buy
him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland", replies
the second man.

The first man responds "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have
another drink to Ireland."

"Of course",replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin", comes the reply.

"I can't beleive it", says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have
another drink to Dublin."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62".

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I
graduated in '62 too

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much", replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."

-(2)

-(3)

11 people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope

suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.

10 were blondes, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one

of the party must let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break

and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would

sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

The blondes applauded.

-(4)

-(5)

-(6)

-(7)

"I've heard just about enough of your degrading blond jokes, Asshole! What
makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's
physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys
like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my
community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and
your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only other
blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humor!"

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up,
"You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the little bastard on your
knee!"

-(8)

-(9)

-(10)

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what

had had happened to her ears?

"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the

phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to

your other ear?"

"The son-of-a-bitch called back!"

-(11)

Now he thought...by the time he pressed the button he was aware of nothing
more until he awoke in the hospital in a panic. He buzzed for the nurse.
When she apppeared he cried out "What Happened."

Your penis is under your pillow.

-(12)

later the group went walking and they saw a girl crying. They asked her why
she was crying and she said, an axe came out of the sky and hit my mom.

The group kept walking and saw a little boy crying. They asked him what was
wrong and he said a sword came from the sky and hit my dad.

The 3 men continued to walk when they saw a boy hysterically laughing. The
men asked him what was so funny and he blurted out: "I farted and my house
blew up."

-(13)

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to
take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had
to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin
Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
could be that rude.

He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and
said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how, if
there's ever

anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial
823-4863.

[Keep reading, it gets better.]

The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward
the

I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk
and

thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered
the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro
for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."

I said, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes,"

"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.

First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,

"Hello."

I yelled, "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.

The jackass said, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me."

I said, "No."

He said, "What's your name, Pal?"

I said, "Don Hansen."

"Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out
front."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers. "

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2.

He answered, "Hello."

I said, "Hello, Jackass!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll kick your ass."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung
up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802
West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got
home.

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th
Street.

After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the
whole thing.

Glorious! If you want to watch two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each
other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, I taped it off the
evening news.

-(14)

There were these three guys, who had wandered away from there camp site and
had gotten lost.

They walked until they came to a small farmhouse, where they knocked on the
door hoping to use the phone.

The one guy peered through one of the holes right as the light in the house
was shut off. He said man I think there were naked girls in there.

The next morning came and the farmer came out to the barn with a shotgun, he
knew his two daughters had seen some action last night and was bound that
those responsible would do the proper thing.

Which one of you had sex with Samantha, the second guy stepped forward and
said that it had been him and that he would gladly marry her.

I only have two daughters said the farmer

Well then who was behind the third whole? he asked

Oh that would be my milking machine, it doesn't stop till it gets 12 full
quarts.

-(15)

How do you know a blond has been making chocolate chip cookies?

Broken M&M shells.

How do you know a blond's computer?

There is whiteout on the computer screen.

How do you know a blond is wearing panty hose?

When she farts, her ankles swell.

How do you know a blond's penny?

It's not very bright.

What's black and white and looks awful on a blond?

A pit bull.

How do you know a blond is saying something stupid?

Her lips are moving.

Why didn't the blond use the supository?

It tasted awful.

Three blonds were having lunch. The first said, "I found a package of
condoms in the boss' desk." The second said, "I did too and I put a hole in
every one." The third blond fainted.

-16

-17

-18

-19

-20

The end of the blonde.

-21

-22

The other construction worker said if my wife packs me soup again I'll jump
off this building. So the next day his wife packed him soup and he jumped
off the skyscraper and died.

The blonde said if my wife packs me a bagel I'll jump off this building. So
the next day he jumped off the building and died.

At his funeral his wife was laughing. Everybody asked her why and she
replied "My husband packs his own lunch."

-23

-24

-25

There was a plane flying through the air, when the captain came over the
intercomm.

"the plane is out of control!!! we are about to crash!!!"

this blonde jumped up and said:

"I have had a good life with lots of good sex!!! but i have never felt like
a real woman. Is there anybody who can make me fell like a real woman?"

This young 20 something guy stood up and started to walk towards her,
unbuttoning his shirt to show his wash board stomach.

the blonde started to breathe deeply in expectation.

He handed her the shirt and said:

"Iron This!"

-26

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Give her a pack of M & M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical
order.

Q: Then what does she ask you?

A: Does M come before W or 3 before E?

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?

A: Tell her she's pregnant

Q:Then what does she ask you?

A: Is it mine?

Q:What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A: A Golden retriever

Q:How do Blonde brain cells die?

A: Alone

Q:What do you call a blonde with a dollar stuck to her forehead?

A: All you can eat under a buck.

Q:How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upsidedown

Q:What do you call a bleach blonde who works for MENSA?

A: A peroxymoron

--
Η Έβελυν (Jokes-Robot(@)ceid.upatras.gr) γράφει :
Στην Ταϋλάνδη, 24 Ιάπωνες στάθηκαν τυχεροί αφού δεν έπαθαν τίποτα,
όταν το λεωφορείο τους έπεσε σε στύλο της ΔΕΗ.
		Δημοσιογράφος του ALTER
[δεν βλέπεις το λάθος ε; Το ήξερα... ]
________________________________________________________________________
          Joke of the Day ... Ελληνική Λίστα Ανεκδότων
             https://anekdota.duckdns.org
        ___ Η JotD βγαίνει σε Ελληνικά και Greeklish ___
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